there was a sale on large bottles of shampoo
at 01/30/12 8:36AM
Yesterday, Reese Hailey threw his arms around me and said "Well, there you are!" Then, he told me that he missed me and that he missed how I always used to smell like coconut.
It was so, SO cute. edit | delete :) by rundrummerrun at 02/01/12 8:09AM x Hey, I'm driving to Tampa tomorrow--I'll get to see you and a smorgasbord of other amazing people, like, TOMORROW. Very yes! by rundrummerrun at 02/01/12 8:10AM x
Lately
at 01/24/12 4:30PM
I'm very much working on applying Matthew 7:1-5 to my life.
God, why is it so hard? edit | delete
feeling feisty on a Friday
at 01/13/12 1:19PM
your fun MONDAY afternoon detail of the day
at 12/19/11 1:25PM *
weekend road trips, idolatry, and leaving the US
at 11/18/11 10:42AM *
pumpkin soup
at 10/25/11 3:25PM
Twilight, Mormons, more men, etc...
at 10/14/11 9:32AM
my dad says he doesn't read the "advice for guys" portion of my blog
at 10/13/11 9:11AM
Part 5: the awkward post; all the creepiness she feels on a regular basis
at 10/12/11 9:31AM
Part I: how to engage a woman in conversation
at 10/04/11 8:41AM *
I think I'm getting sick. I do NOT want to be sick during my favorite month!
(It's October. Tell me you noticed that it's October! How could you not?)
Anyway, here's part I to the blog series.
Part I
To be able to be close to a woman, you must first know how be open to her.
Let’s say you’re in a restaurant – a sushi bar – and there are two women sitting next to where you and your friend are sitting. What most guys will do in this situation is spend the whole night trying to figure out what to say to the woman he finds attractive and how to get into a conversation with her.
Once he does get into that conversation with her, he smothers her. You know, he won’t make it casual and fun.
The key to being open with a woman is understanding that you need to give a woman the best 15 to 45 seconds of you . . . and then walk away.
So let’s break down this scene even more, which my client and I happened to be in by the way.
First 30 seconds
He and I were sitting in a sushi bar next to two women who were there enjoying a girls’ night out. So we opened them with casual conversation. We talked about food and about what they were ordering . . . for 30 seconds and that was it.
During that 30 seconds you speak with energy, conviction and confidence by saying something like "Hey that looks good!" or
"Can I have a bite of that?" (Note from Leah: I would be a little creeped out if a random guy asked me if he could have a bite of my food. Just saying…)
or "What are you getting?" Speak with a confident tone in your voice, not a whiny one.
So what you do is talk to her, then you ignore her. You basically turn around and continue talking to your friend. By doing that, you are building trust. You are building confidence in yourself, because if you can do it for 30 seconds now you will be able to do it for 60 seconds the next time.
Not only that – and this is really the key thing – but by the second and third time you talk to her you have become a familiar face. So then, all of a sudden, you’re not a stranger anymore. She will become very familiar and things with her will become very playful.
(Note from Leah: Some guys do this thing where they ignore you after you’ve been out and had a great time together.
While this is completely acceptable if you are trying to figure out how you feel about the girl, or multiple girls, or other things going on in your life,
it is NOT acceptable as a TACTIC to make the girl "wonder what’s going on" or as an attempt to make the girl feel insecure and want to chase after you to see what’s going on.
First of all, if you are being manipulative in this way, MOST girls are going to smell it like she smells your lack of showers.
Second of all, it only works with insecure girls. So, if you want an insecure girl chasing after you, then by all means, go for it...)
But back to the man blog…
Women like things to be playful. That’s what happened that night. When our order arrived, one of the women asked us "What is that?" We said "It’s Yellowtail." They said "Wow, that looks good!" At that point you can offer them a bite of your Yellowtail.
So by investing only 75¢ for an extra piece of Yellowtail for them, you get the opportunity to talk to them a little bit more about food while keeping things playful and very fun. Maybe you find out a little more about them by asking how many times they have been to that restaurant, or whatever might start the conversation again.
Stay Playful
What happens next – and it’s not important what you say but HOW you say it – is that things stay very playful. They will get something to eat next, and it becomes like a game. Every time they have a new plate of food, you say to them "What are you eating now? What is that?"
It’s now the third time you are talking to them, and what happens psychologically is that as you have these repeated little conversations they become more familiar and you become less nervous. You start seeing them as much less intimidating and you stop being intimidated by them. You start being able to communicate better with them, because you built up your communication with them in little bursts and each conversation got longer and longer.
What you talk about also gets more and more interesting every time you do it. Now you stop talking about food, and start finding out more interesting things about them. We found out, for example, that the women were there celebrating a birthday. Then you stop talking to them again.
It was on the fourth time we talked to them that things really started to heat up. We started talking to them about image, what we did for a living, what they did for a living, where we all were from, and about relationships.
Build Rapport/Connection
This is where things started getting deeper. This is where all the pertinent parts of a conversation that I always talk about come into play: the power of he talk / she talk, the power of asking the right personal questions, and how to get deep inside a woman.
This is really a simple kind of approach, and you haven’t done what most guys do when they go in to approach a woman. What most guys do is spend two hours trying to figure out what to say, instead of going in for the small conversations and walking away.
Every time you use small doses when initiating conversation with a woman, you are able to get more comfortable with her with each conversation. The more comfortable you are, the more comfortable she will be. It becomes a very energy-driven thing, because if you go in all nervous then she’s going to be all nervous. If you go in comfortable, then she’s going to get comfortable.
That is why I always suggest, especially in a restaurant or in a coffee shop where women will be sitting down, to go in for conversation in small doses. It gives you the ability to really shine.
This is what happened that night with my client. By the fourth or fifth conversation, he was so comfortable that I was sitting there texting on my BlackBerry while he was comfortably talking to the women about his son.
They really enjoyed the conversation as well. They even mentioned how we were different from every other guy because we listened to them.
---
Note from Leah: Was this helpful? I know so many guys who are downright terrified of talking to pretty girls. It's really sad, especiallys since a lot of them are really good guys.
Try it out and let me know how it goes for ya!
Okay, you don't have to.
I realize it might be kind of embarassing...
but it would still be awesome... edit | delete I agree with you there. Oh btw, I'm used to my name being misspelled, so don't worry about it. I've had all kinds of weird spellings of my name :P by daddysgirl at 10/05/11 1:44AM x
introduction to dating tips for guys
at 10/03/11 12:05PM
I love men.
I always have, even when I was little.
I love how they think, act, and respond to the world in entirely different ways than I do.
I love their strengths, their vulnerabilities, and all of their oddities.
They fascinate me, make me feel beautiful, powerful, and feminine. They especially make me feel feminine, because they are anything but feminine, and I wouldn't have it any other way. :)
I've known several good, single, attractive Christian men who have the same exact struggles that good, single, Christian women have when it comes to the opposite sex.
The problems:
1. A great deal of good, single, Christian PEOPLE have no idea what they are doing when it comes to dating.
2. These same good, single, Christian PEOPLE get noticed by good, single, extremely attractive NON-Christian PEOPLE who DO know what they are doing when it comes to dating.
The Christian realizes just how attractive the people they date COULD be, but again, the attraction to Christians is limited due to a lack of experience or selection.
---
I found a blog written by a non-Christian that has such good advice for men.
I like him because he is respectful of women, seeks diligently to understand them, and seeks to help a brother out.
And, as I've already made clear, I love my brothers, clueless as they may be.
So, why don't I just date my clueless brothers? Because a huge part of attraction for women is having someone COMPETENT to take the lead in a dating relationship.
And if you know ME at all, you know I've never been one to settle...
---
So, I decided to edit his posts, make them more applicable/appropriate for Christian men, and to share them with you in a series. In a word document, all the content I edited came out to about 29 pages. (we had a few slow times at work, ha) and I would really like to share this information with you.
Since I'm a single girl, why in the world would I want to dole out this advice, knowing it could help a guy get a girl other than me?
It's simple.
A. I'm way more secure in myself than I used to be. If a guy doesn't pick me, I KNOW it is SO his loss!
(or our personalities would be disastrous together. either way...)
B. I love my brothers! And we desperately need more competent, manly men out there who understand, respect, and appreciate women!
C. I might want YOU to read it, because you might be a fantastic guy lurker who is someone who just needs a little help before he is absolutely perfect for me!
Or not.
I'll let you decide...
---
If you’re a girl, you should know that I personally found these articles extremely helpful in understanding men and why they behave the way they do as well. Don’t not read because of your gender!
---
Keep in mind, I did not write these, I only edited them for content. They are written from a guy's perspective, and no women were harmed in the publishing of these blogs.
---
If I missed something inappropriate, please let me know, and please forgive me!
Now, stay tuned until my next blog post to educate yourselves.
And enjoy.
Tell all your friends.
Or not.
Wonder why women have "Walls" or why they ignore your advances? It’s because she knows you’re creepy long before you open your mouth.
But why do women develop this empathy and acute awareness?
Because you’re a pervert who touched himself growing up.
Just kidding, but not just kidding.
Try this experiment if you dare: take your closest female friends out for dinner (it’s okay to take your sisters if you have no female friends… I won’t judge) and ask them what it was like growing up as a girl.
Ask them to explain some of the scary things they’ve encountered from older men when they hit puberty.
I’ve done this myself and I was filled with rage against men, but I grew an appreciation for women and their sensitivities.
Almost all women will experience dramatic social changes when they hit puberty and when they start to develop their "womanly figures." I’ve heard stories about how awkward one friend of mine felt when she was only 14 when her dad’s male friends would come over and have beers and stare at her awkwardly, possessively, and with deep sexual intent.
Think about how disturbing this would be as a young boy. Ever have a creepy uncle look at you weird? Think about it.
She's been dealing with creepy guys for years ... respect that.
(Note from Leah: Okay, I hate this section because it makes me feel uncomfortable, but sadly, it’s a needed section, especially for Christian guys. I’m going to talk to you, in particular, about hugging.
Now, I love hugging. Physical touch is my primary love language. And I think it’s completely fine for a guy and a girl to hug.
But man, I just have to say this, because the only guys who have hugged me like this have been CHRISTIAN guys.
Maybe it’s because Non-Christian guys already have their…uh… "needs" being met, I don’t know, but here is a creepy thing that Christian guys do sometimes.
A guy will be hugging me. Which is great! I love hugs.
But, apparently, it uh…feels more pleasant to him than he was expecting. So naturally, he goes in for a second hug!
Except, it’s not really a hug. It’s more of uh…chest press. Let me just say, I know exactly what you’re doing.
And I’m sorry, but it’s completely creepy. It also makes me lose respect for you.
(any other girls want to shout an "amen?")
If we (or you and any girl) used to hug, and suddenly she turns them into awkward side hugs, light taps on the shoulder, or avoids you altogether, then it’s probably because she has become wary of your creepy "chest presses" and is avoiding them. In general, they don’t feel good to us. They feel, well, creepy.
If you’ve been guilty of the "chest press" before, it’s okay. Just try not to do it again.
But seriously, though...)
Back to the guy blog…
When I had this discussion with many of the women I’ve dated I was also horrified at how many rape stories I would hear. Not only do almost all women have a story where they were victimized in one way or another, but every girl who was telling me their story seemed to have a peaceful detachment from it. I found that I became very upset to hear their stories, while they seemed to have a quiet acceptance of the whole thing, as if it was simply just a part of life. (Note from Leah: Sadly, this is true in the Christian community as well.)
Being the victims of attacks and unwelcome sexual aggression seemed almost an acceptable part of their past. This makes me angry when I think about it. Mostly because I have sisters, nieces, and a mom.
If you sit with a girl and listen to her stories you’ll grow a deeper understanding as to why women seemed so "intuitive" about men. They need to be.
Consider how many strange men they encounter through out their lives.
I'm glad I'm not a girl sometimes...
Realize this: you’re big, she’s small. She knows this and puts herself into a very vulnerable situation when going on a date with you.
Stop taking her vulnerability for granted.
Why does this matter?
Well if you ever expect a woman to open up to you and become physically and emotionally vulnerable she will need to have a level of trust with you that most guys don’t even think about. The fear she has deep in her body is based upon real life experience, as well as artifacts from her prehistoric brain.
The cave-woman who survived and reproduced learned which dudes to avoid and which dudes to trust. If she didn’t she wouldn’t survive to have kids, who had kids, who had you.
When I first started dating this never even occurred to me.
Mostly because I was so self absorbed with my own fears and desires that it didn’t occur to me that her fears would be so different than mine.
When you approach a woman for the first time, and she doesn’t know you, she has very real defense mechanisms that will help her keep safe from the likes of you. You need to be very aware of this so that you can act accordingly AND so that you don’t take offense.
If you’re acting creepy, slimy, or questionable in some way, shape, or form, she’ll filter you out as being unsafe or "questionable."
She's cold and closed-off because of creepy guys... don't be offended.
Here are ways you might be acting creepy (when you first meet her)
(Note from Leah: Ug. Not JUST when you first meet her. I’ve had so many men do these things. In church, even. Married men, even. Even, when I’m wearing completely modest, slightly big clothes. Let me just say, ew ew ew ew ew ew, EW! Please stop. Please. Please, please, please please please!! This can cause a single woman to want to hide and never come back out! Trust me…):
• Staring from across a room but not approaching.
• Asking uncalibrated questions
• Inappropriate jokes.
• Laughing too loud, and too often.
• Uncomfortable body language like shifting around, chewing your finger nails, or any bizarre postures.
• Uncomfortably close body language.
• Over bearing eye contact with no smiling.
• No teeth smiles are kind of creepy.
• Any smile where the eyes don’t also smile. (Fake Smiles)
• Touching inappropriately – such as suddenly touching her for the first time 30 minutes into your conversation. This also includes touching her too often, and in her erogenous zones without invitation
• Bragging.
• Giving too many compliments, especially about her physical features.
• Overly sexual body language, comments, or behavior.
• Acting awkward in any way.
• Inventing and discussing future plans together.
• Trying to win her affections by buying her and her friends coffee, or any outwardly obvious flaunting of money.
Here are ways you might be acting creepy (on the first date. Says Leah, or other scenarios!):
• Disclosing too much information. Keep private matters private at first.
• Smothering her with interest before a real relationship has been given an opportunity to develop: this includes love letters, too many emails, phone calls, displays of affection, etc.
• Acting possessive or overly protective. She’s not yours, don’t act like she is.
• Dropping by unexpectedly and uninvited.
• Showing a lack of emotional control (Outbursts of anger, fear, or sadness.)
• Showering her with gifts and expensive meals.
• Hitting on her friends, or other girls in front of her.
There are many physical, emotional and financial risks that women take when dating that you should consider. Women have real reasons to be very selective about the men they date and eventually marry. Don’t be offended. Don’t be jaded. And don’t be creepy.
Be understanding, sincere, honest, and fun.
Being FUN will overrule her feelings of fear every time.
~ Robby
edit | delete Oh it's true, it's true. I think he has a good perspective on how women deal with life after puberty. Although if one of my guy friends had taken me out for dinner and asked to explain how I felt about it...well, that's a little weird.
However, I will stick up for my bros and say that a lot of girls don't seem to understand the power of touch. I don't think I even understood it for a long time. Girls will give guys massages, play with their hair, hang on them, hug them, hold hands with them.... Guys are not your girlfriends. Okay - end rant.
Have you read the Stuff Christians Like blog? He talks about the Side Hug. When I was a teacher, I *ALWAYS* used the side hug with male students. by jenn at 10/12/11 12:47PM x Are you coming Thanksgiving? You know that Jenn and Ben and Will are going to be here. We will celebrate on Friday instead of Thursday to avoid in-law conflicts. by theaunt at 10/12/11 5:51PM x Jenn, I totally agree with you (about girls not understanding the power of touch.) It's been difficult for me, especially, since my love language is physical touch and a lot of times I don't mean anything when I sometimes mindlessly get "touchy feely" with a guy, and they sometimes take it the wrong way. Lesson learned. at least I hope... by leahhallnoats at 10/13/11 8:22AM x
always dependent
at 10/12/11 9:13AM
Last night at the USF bible study, we were studying 2 Corinthians Chapter 8. This whole chapter is talking about the generiousity of the saints in spite of their poverty and their willingness to give themselves first to God, and then to their brethren.
Paul is testing the genuineness of the love of the Corinthians by asking them to be just as graceful in their giving.
Verse 15 is especially interesting to me, as it references Exodus 16:18, where the Israelites are in the wilderness and quite literally dependent upon God for food.
Why would this reference be including in this chapter on generiousity and giving?
I thought of this after that question was asked.
No matter what our financial situation, whether we are giving out of our poverty or out of our abundance, we are always just as dependent on God to provide for our needs as the Israelites were dependent on God for their manna.
We are not to be greedy, we are just to work for what we need and to trust that it wil be enough, and that God will take care of us. This is true no matter if we are making a lot of money or just enough to scrape by.
It is a really important lesson for me to learn. I used to think it was especially cool when I was just starting to work full time at the age of 20 and just starting to pay to share an apartment.
It's just as true today, and I know it will always be true. Not only am I dependent on God for my most basic needs, but I am dependent on God for absolutely everything!
and I wouldn't have it any other way...
Like a bullet
at 10/07/11 9:19AM
You know, lately I’ve been feeling so honestly, deeply, and completely content.
I’m reminded of that semi-dumb/semi-addictive song "Dog Days Are Over," specifically that line where the singer is like "Happiness hit her like a bullet…something something (incomprehensible)."
Like a bullet, this happiness has been kind of sudden, and truly deep, and I owe it all to God.
I’m grateful.
---
Hannah Roy is in town and I got to see her last night! I love her so much. She is pure gold, that one.
---
I love avocados so much. They are delicious. They make amazing guacamole. (Is there a way to make guacamole without avocados?) This thing I have with avocados might be a slight obsession. Did you know that avocados have three times the amount of potassium that bananas have? It’s true. You can Google it.
---
Justin is still working his magic here on earth. Last night his friend Matt got in touch with me (because I’ve been trying desperately to see where I could get those "God’s Word is the Way – In memory of Justin Inversso" Live Strong-type wrist bands) and Matt told me he could hook me up. The proceeds are going to the family to help with expenses. How cool is that?
Matt and I have never met.
Matt is currently a student at USF, and he asked me if we could meet somewhere on campus. I told him the only time I’m on campus anymore is for the USF bible studies, so naturally I invited him to join us. I have no idea what this kid, Matt, believes, but I’m hoping it will turn into a good opportunity. It’s so amazing to me that we have this connection through Justin. I have a feeling Justin would approve of our bible studying and meeting. I can almost see him smiling that beautiful smile down on us.
I still miss him.
---
On a much shallower note, are you ready for Part IIIB Thinking Vs. Feeling?
Ready or not, here it is. And, dude. These are getting kind of long…
Part 3b: Thinking vs. Feeling
Many of us think it’s important to convince women that we’re powerful, rich, beautiful, clever, and funny. This is a mistake that will lead you, and her, to disappointment.
Understand this one thing and you will always do better with women than all your male friends put together…
It’s not what she thinks about you… it’s how she FEELS about you.
This is monumental in making progress with women.
Let me just give you an example how this principle applies in real life.
Make her FEEL something!
Have you ever gone grocery shopping while hungry?
If so you’ve noticed how hard it is to only buy those items on your list… for some reason you end up buying extra peanut butter, pancake syrup and Hot Pockets.
Why? Because our emotions dictate everything. Your hunger will win over your logical mind.
She’s like this too.
If you want to walk away with her phone number then you best understand how to change her mood from bored to excited.
I met this beautiful brunette through Facebook and this was our second phone conversation… we chatted for a few minutes before I invited her to join me for coffee the next night at one of my favorite coffee shops:
Brandy: "Um, I’m not sure if I’m ready to meet you yet…. I guess I just want to get to know you a little more first, know what I mean?"
Me: "Ha ha, oh man did I tell you that my mom is a Claymate? Do you even know what that is!? Oh man. .. bla bla bla…" I started immediately into a story about how crazy my mom is for Clay Aiken. The story is brief and has a few funny punch lines. When I was done Brandy was laughing hysterically.
Brandy: "Oh man, that’s so funny and crazy! I think I love your mom now!"
Me: "I know, isn’t she the best and the worst ever? Anyways I kinda have to run, so how does 7pm sound? I’ll show up early, so when you get there I’ll be the creepy guy making awkward eye contact with every pretty brunette who walks in. Actually, can you wear something totally fancy like your bright puffy prom dress?"
Brandy: "Hahaha. Actually it’s green if you can believe it! Oh man, I haven’t thought of that dress is years! Anyways, sure 7 sounds good."
In this example I did two things. I ignored her decline to my invite and went directly into a story that I knew would make her laugh and would make her feel good. And the more she was feeling good when chatting with me the more likely she was to comply with my date request.
Sometimes women are just in a bad mood and when you call them you catch them at a bad time. It’s a mistake to try to logically convince her into doing anything she doesn’t feel like doing. Therefore it’ll go a long way if you make an effort to simply change her mood instead of trying to (unsuccessfully) change her mind.
This is a concept that will not only get you that first date, but will help keep your relationship strong in the long run. Always remember that it’s her mood that you want to influence, not her mind.
Here’s another example
You met a girl at a gospel meeting the night before, you had a great time afterwards, and you exchanged numbers. Three days later you finally get around to calling her. What do you say when you call? What’s important to remember?
Be FUN the next day too.
First of all, don’t wait three days. Why? Because she’s already met 6 other guys who are also fun and cool and within 3 days she’s long forgotten about you.
Plus, when you met her at the gospel meeting, it was for spiritual encouragement, not to meet guys. When you call her 3 days later she might have just finished cleaning her cat litter box and might be ticked off at her mom. Her mood is way different, so you can’t just start in with, "Hey, let’s grab coffee."
Why? Because if her mood is bad then her reaction to your requests will be bad.
She might have forgotten about you ...
Instead you need to re-establish how fun talking with you is. You need to remind her body how it feels to laugh, be playful, and have fun. So your job when you call her is to have 3 easy to remember banter lines, and story lines to toss at her in order to pick up her spirits. Think of this like memorizing funny jokes that you will share with her when you finally start talking.
So rule of thumb:
1) Call her the NEXT day so she can remember you.
2) Be fun. Tell her two quick stories that are funny, and that make her remember how fun you are. Possibly make them stories about the night before, and that happened after you saw her last.
3) Assume she remembers you, and that you’ve been best friends for life.
Try something like this:
Robby: "Hey Sam, it’s Robby. Or, I believe you were calling me Tiny Ears last night."
Samantha: "Ha, oh hey Tiny… wait, should I speak up or can you hear me okay?"
Robby: "My ears are small but so is my ego. You know what’s funny!? I got home last night and laughed hysterically when I looked at my terrible hair in the mirror! "
Samantha: "What? Why?"
Robby: "My hair was a mess and all I could think was ‘does this girl have absolutely no standards!? She’s crazy for giving a guy like me her number. Ha!"
Samantha: "Ha! I thought your hair was pretty cute actually."
Robby: "Well fair enough then. I was actually just chatting with my buddy, who’s meeting me in about 5 minutes…I’m at Chapters downtown waiting for him when I thought of you… and he was telling me about this sweet little cupcake place on Jasper Ave. Are you free to grab dessert with me sometime around 6pm this week?"
Samantha: "Oh I love cupcakes… sure, that’d be sweeeeeet. Ha! Oh man, that was lame. How about Wednesday?"
Notice how Robby focuses on being fun, and leading the conversation towards the date, without calling it a date? (Note from Leah: Robby is right on. For some reason, dates that aren’t called dates make me feel much more comfortable when I’m out with a guy. It takes the pressure off, or something…)
My last example
Here are two examples of how men might try to engage a woman’s attention:
She's alone... so talk to her!
Steve: "Hi there, I saw you sitting here and I thought I should come over and introduce myself. My name’s Steve."
Clair: "Oh, um, hi Steve, I’m Clair."
Steve: "Um, well I’m sorry to bother you, I’m guessing you’re not single eh? Hahaha…"
Clair: "Um, ya, actually I’m not…"
Steve: "Haha, I figured you wouldn’t be. Well you’re very beautiful! Well I just wanted to come say hi, but I’ll leave you alone now. It was nice meeting you Clair."
Clair: "Oh thank you. It was nice meeting you too Steve."
(Note from Leah. OH MAN, CAN I RELATE TO THIS ONE! When a guy strikes up a conversation with me that is similar to this one, the only thing it accomplishes it to make me feel super uncomfortable, even if the guy is really good looking!
Yes, it’s true, we love being told that we’re beautiful, (especially when our hair is messed up and we are not wearing any makeup and we feel like junk) but our comfort level with you as well as TIMING is everything if you’re going to be brave enough to drop that one.
This kind of conversation makes us feel cheap (hi, you don’t even know me that well and you’re telling me I’m beautiful? Hmm, wonder how many times you’ve used that line.) Also, if we’re dressed up, clearly we’re trying to look decent, so it’s like you’re complimenting our "getting ready" efforts, which is weird. Or, if we’re not dressed up, it’s like, what do we say to that? "Um…thanks. I have great looking parents?"
Get to know us and our quirks and rare talents, and compliment us on that. And later! Good grief, guys. Really?)
Sorry for the rant. Back to the blog…
Notice how this conversation was boring, went no where, and how Steve engaged her from a negative mindset? He thought his chatting with her was "a bother," and he assumed defeat immediately because he assumed she had a boyfriend. In a scenario like this she may or may not have had a boyfriend, but since it was so awkward Clair could have just as easily lied to get rid of the nervous tension.
Be brave, plenty of women really DO go places alone.
Here’s another scenario:
Robby: "Hi there, I saw you sitting here and I thought I should come over and introduce myself. My name’s Robby."
Clair: "Oh, um, hi Robby, I’m Clair."
Robby: "Actually I came over here because I think you’re totally cute and I needed to find out if you’re as shy as you look."
Clair: "Haha, thanks, I guess. Wait, I look shy?! Hahaha"
Robby: "Well you’re sitting alone, so I figured you were either waiting for a friend, contemplating which shoes to buy next, or you were simply too shy to come over and say hi to me."
Robby nudges her with his elbow in a playful manner.
(Note from Leah: Eh…I would be careful with this one. Depending on my mood, I would be kind of irked about his presumption that I had a shoe fetish or his presumption that I wanted to come over and talk to him. I might just stick to the "needed to find out if you’re as shy as you look" line. That one is nice, safe, and cute.)
Most women are not going to simply become attracted just because you had the guts to approach her. She wants to get to know your personality first.
Bring out a funny story that will bring her out of her head, and into the moment. And at no time did Robby ask her if she was single, nor did he put in on the "spot" by asking her out without first getting to know her a little. This conversation might grow longer, especially if she joined him and his buddy for dinner. Even if Clair didn’t join him for dinner he could still go up and talk to her and her friend later in the evening. He’s left himself many more opportunities to make a date with Clair.
This process of influencing a woman emotions is the core reason some men find it very easy to meet and attract women, and some men struggle. When women go out to meet men they might tell you they’re looking to meet a guy who does X and Y and who meets her long list of criteria, but in reality it’s the man who most effects her feelings and emotions that will win her attention, attraction, and eventual affection.
Do not underestimate how important this concept is. It’s not only fundamental – it’s the foundation of attraction building. Her emotions almost always dictate her decision making. Don’t waste time connecting with her mind until you’ve connected with her emotional body.
Final Thoughts
Have you ever seen a fat guy who simply can’t lose weight? Why? Because his feelings tell him to eat. Even though his brain tells him "no" his emotions will often ruin his diet. Everyone has this struggle, including women.
She's like a fat guy ... make her hungry first.
You see, it doesn’t matter what her "preference" for men is, it will always come down to how you make her feel.
If women only dated men with six-packs and thick bank accounts most men would be single. But I’ve been to the mall and I’ve seen the types of men women are dating. Trust me when I say ANY GUY can get a girlfriend. I don’t care who you are or what you look like.
If you can learn how to make a girl FEEL something, then you will easily win your way into her heart.
How many Hollywood movies are based on this very premise? The main female lead HATES the male lead, but somewhere in the middle that HATE gets switched to LOVE and everyone ends up married. Why? Because it’s not about what she thinks about you, it’s how she feels.
What’s worse than a girl hating you? A girl feeling indifferent. If she feels nothing for you then you could never exist and she wouldn’t even care. At least if she hates you she’s feeling something!
Learn this truth.
~ Robby
edit | delete Glad for the peace and contentment the Lord is giving. Also hope you like your new apartment. We're in Houston. Get back home Thursday night. by gsh2 at 10/10/11 10:58PM x
Part IIIa: Thinking vs. Feeling
at 10/06/11 9:01AM
So, I'm not going to lie. I'm kind of sick of posting this stuff.
I'd rather write about the magical orange October light, or how much I love my friends, or how relieved I am to finally be settling into our beautiful condo, or about how mind-blowing it is to listen to 2 Corinthians on your IPOD as you fall asleep at night, or about how much I love Atlanta and would love to live there next.
but, for your benefit, I'll finish. If nothing else, you can read it later.
Or something...
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While You’re Thinking, She’s Busy Feeling
Go read the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" written by John Grey.
Does it seem lazy when I suggest you read someone else’s book? Perhaps but I never said I wasn’t lazy.
At first you might say, "But that’s a relationship book and I’m more concerned with dating!"
You make a strong argument, but since I’m the boss I can say what ever I want. So heed my advice.
In Grey’s book he goes into great detail explaining the differences in how men and women perceive the world around them. He goes into magnificent details about how men try to fix things and spend much of their time in their own heads, while women are all about expressing themselves. He explains the common ways men and women can miscommunicate which only leads a healthy relationship into the stinkers.
Basically women are very emotional creatures. If this is news to you then you haven’t been paying attention. Shame on you!
I don’t think you’re going to find a guy who disagrees with this. And even though you may actually understand this as a "concept," you may still have trouble seeing the world as women do.
For example, if you’re a dude and your buddy comes up to you and asks you how your date went last night you’ll likely say something like this:
"Oh it went pretty good I think. She was wearing this super dress and spiked heels! I thought she seemed pretty into me. I think I’ll see her again."
Now let’s say you’re a girl and your best friend calls you up and asks you how your date went last night; you might say something like this:
"Oh hey Nancy! Ya, I went out with Kevin last night. I was so nervous at first, but when he picked me up he made me laugh so hard! So I totally felt more comfortable once we got to the restaurant. It wasn’t very crowded there so I felt kind of in the spot light, but he was charming so I relaxed after a few minutes. He kept looking at my hair which made me feel like I had something in it… that was awkward, but then I went to the bathroom and it looked fine so who knows what that was about… Oh and I loved how great he was with our waiter… he was new and nervous and Kevin made a bunch of jokes which made our waiter so much more calm.. I felt that was really decent of him. At the end of the night I felt pretty good about him and I was felt like he was pretty into me too, so I hope I see him again!"
Now, can you spot the differences in these to points of view?
Notice how the guy says "I think" a lot and the woman says "I feel" a lot. This is VERY important to notice.
Notice how long the woman’s response was compared to the man’s?
In reality two girls discussing a date could eat up hours of dissection and discussion. (Read anything by David Deida if you want to fully understand the power of Masculine Vs. Feminine.) The major difference I’m trying to point out is that as men we tend to speak in terms of how we think and we evaluate things, while women describes things in the form of their emotions and how the events made them feel.
This is a very significant difference that most men have trouble appreciating.
Have you ever been asked something like "So how do you feel about me?" except in your man-brain you hear "So what do you think about me?"
Can You See The Difference?
You’re likely to respond with something like "Oh, I think you’re real smart" when what she really wants to hear "Oh, I feel you’re real smart.."
She wants to know how you feel about her because that’s how she interprets the world around her – in terms of her emotional body. Where as most men see the world much more literally. Men tend to be very "rational", and women tend to be more "interpretive." This is one reason women make amazing artists and musicians. They naturally have a way of feeling the world in a way most men don’t.
A guy might say, "It’s a bright sunny day," pointing out the specifics of the moment while a woman might say, "today feels so warm and amazing outside!" because she relates things to her emotions. This difference is tremendous when it comes to appreciating how women see the world around them, and more importantly for this blog, how they interpret their encounters with us men.
Take time through out your life to connect with your feelings, instead of being the detached robot you prefer to be. When it comes to connecting with women this will be your greatest skill! (Note from Leah: preach it!) Without a real understanding of your own emotions you’ll never be able to easily create rapport with that ONE special girl you’re so desperately trying to catch.
Remember: having emotions is okay. Spilling them all over everyone you meet isn’t. Being a man doesn’t mean being emotionless, it simply means having composure in the face of difficult emotions.
Why does this even matter?
If the fastest way to woo a woman follows a specific flow (Attraction, Rapport, and Intimacy) but how we communicate dictates the success of each stage.
In the attraction stage we communicate like animals – it’s mostly subtle body language, vocal tonality, and our expressiveness… it has very little to do with the words that come out of our mouths. From this her body will either respond positively or negatively. Eventually these feelings will filter into her brain and she’ll form some type of impression of you. From there she’s either interested or not.
If she is interested she’ll immediately want to start building rapport. Rapport is about sharing our similarities and differences. This is where we explore each other’s boundaries and expectations. This can happen within the first 10 minutes of meeting someone. The attraction stage can set off her need to build rapport very quickly. It happens this same way for us guys. How many guys do you see trying to buy that hot girl a drink? Buying her a drink is their clumsy way of trying to build rapport. Except she hasn’t shown any attraction towards them yet so this is a useless tactic.
But here’s where it get’s interesting… when in the rapport stage (which continues for the extent of your relationship) she will be trying to communicate with you through her feelings while you’ll be trying to communicate to her through your thoughts and ideas. Usually.
Your job, if you want to keep that beautiful woman, is to truly understand your own feelings and not just your thoughts. Thinking is great, but feeling is important too. The problem with us guys is that we’ve grown up scared of our feelings and we’re given no tools as to how to use/describe/share them. And when we finally do try to express ourselves we’re bumbling fools.
But try to imagine how powerful a man you would be with the women you choose to date when you’re able to finally communicate with them on a level playing field. Emotions to emotions, or, heart to heart.
A great book to read to get you headed in the right direction is called, "The Four Agreements," by Don Ruiz. He’ll open your mind up to the crazy conflicts we have inside our own heads.
~ Robby
edit | delete
Part II: Understanding women
at 10/05/11 8:51AM
For a variety of reasons, I feel so excited to share this next section with you, my readers! (all two of you. ahem...)
Reason 1. It really helped me understand how men perceive women. and wow. Bless their hearts!
Reason 2. It really helped me understand my feminine self. Which of course, is a very beneficial thing to understand...
Reason 3. It is kind of hilarious.
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But before I move on to the next section, I'm really feeling a need to give you a disclaimer from Part I, since Part I was written by a man, and as much as he knows, he does not COMPLETELY understand women.
My disclaimer to Part 1 is this: While engaging in playful "mini conversations" is extremely effective and fun, it is imperative, and I do repeat, IMPERATIVE that you are not ABRUPT in your exits and entrances into those conversations.
I may or may not have had guys try the "mini conversation" technique with me before, and I can tell you right now that several of those guys, probably because of nerves or something, would just...leave...like way too quickly to be natural.
I remember one particular instance when I was about to ask the guy a question and all of the sudden he just awkwardly disappeared. Instead of leaving me feeling intrigued and wanting to see more of him, his abrupt exit left me feeling frustrated and kind of annoyed.
Then, when he came back, it felt intrusive and overwhelming.
So, here's some advice from a woman: exit and enter when it feels NATURAL to do so. A good time to exit would be when there is a natural pause in the conversation. Maybe you've seen a small smile on her face and she looks down at her food, or at her friend, or out the window, or at the menu. That means it's okay to leave.
When you re-enter the conversation, look for similar pauses. If there's some kind of quiet pause, quietly walk over and start talking to her again. (Maybe this is just because lately I'm drawn to more quiet guys, I don't know. Any other girls want to comment on this?)
If anything feels forced or nervous, to you, the guy, then it is going to feel EVEN MORE forced or nervous to me, the girl. Robby, our blogger friend, was right on when he said that so much of attraction is about energy. You always want her to feel a comfortable, playful, happy energy.
*End of disclaimer*
Now, on to Part II: Understanding Women.
Women are illogical. (Note from Leah: Bahahahaha!)
This was what I used to think. Their actions, reactions, and motivations had always eluded me.
I’d see attractive women dating unattractive guys or pretty girls with "rig pigs." Everywhere I looked I could find smart women dating dimwitted muscle heads, or women chasing cocky men. I’ve had many female friends go back to exboyfriend’s who cheated and I’ve met amazingly passionate married women who refused to leave their abusive relationships. It seemed so very illogical.
I can still remember thinking:
- If I like a girl I’ll tell her.
- If I like a girl I’ll treat her with kitten gloves, consideration, and mindfulness.
- If I like a girl I’ll bring her gifts, buy her dinners, and shower her with compliments.
- If I lose weight and dress well then women will like me.
- If she just understood how much I like her she’d finally see how great I am! I should just tell her!
And yet girls would avoid me, reject my advances, or don’t call me back.
My accumulation of female insights have come from my mom, my sisters, and the endless movies and television I’ve watched. They told me that:
- women want the nice guy over the super jock.
- women don’t want to play games.
- women like compliments.
- women should be put on pedestals, praised and adored.
- women are precious and sensitive, and should be handled with kitten gloves.
- men need to work and earn a highly attractive woman’s attention and affection.
Yet what they were SAYING and what they were DOING seemed to be complete opposites.
Very confusing.
This led me to make some very wrong assumptions: If a girl says she wants something, and I provide her with it, then in return she’ll want me. I kinda figured that was how attraction worked. This made sense. It seemed logical. The more she liked me as a person, the more she’d be attracted to me as a man.
I was wrong.
Finally I’ve learned that the problem isn’t with the logic.
My LOGIC wasn’t wrong – women really DO like compliments, nice guys, and being put on pedestals. But what women WANT and what women are ATTRACTED to are two very different things.
One of the problems is that we men think we’re being logical.
We pride ourselves in it. We love puzzles, we love fixing things, and we love completing a project. You can almost smell our pride whenever we’ve solved a riddle, provided a solution, or come up with our own insight about the world. This is one of our greatest gifts.
So when our logic starts to fail us, like when women are rejecting us for being too nice, we can become terribly frustrated, deflated, and depressed. I know because I’ve experienced these feelings intimately for years.
Our mistake is that when we meet an attractive woman we try to attract her using LOGIC. Either we think we can CONVINCE her to like us or we do LOGICAL things like giving her gifts, bragging about our accomplishments, talking about our successful careers, showing off our abilities to make money, showering her with compliments, or telling her how we feel about her. Yet despite our best efforts she’ll always grow more distant, disinterested, and ultimately repulsed. This seems ILLOGICAL because ultimately our assumptions about what attraction is are wrong.
What adds to our frustration is seeing other guys getting the girls. Other guys who aren’t nice, who don’t listen, who don’t compliment, and who don’t seem to have anything going for them at all.
The truth.
Women aren’t puzzles, they’re people.
This is what I’ve discovered: The confusing actions women take and the seemingly illogical dating decisions they make have NOTHING to do with what women PREFER and everything to do with how they FEEL.
Logically women PREFER beefy men with a million dollars in the bank and who are endlessly showering her with gifts, attention and praise but obviously if that’s the only thing women were attracted to then most women would be single.
Instead I challenge you to see the truth.
A woman doesn’t date a chump because he’s GREAT LOOKING (or because she’s insane) she dates him because of the way he makes her FEEL.
(Note from Leah: Oh, Robby. Preach it!)
While we are busy in our own heads THINKING, women are in their own emotional bodies FEELING.
Before I continue to generalize too much I should mention that women think just as much as any guy, and men have just as many feelings as any woman – but in a very general sense men and women operate within their heads and bodies differently. Men tend to spend more time developing their logic processes, while women tend to have a better mastery of their emotional processes.
It’s the world of the Feminine and the Masculine.
Ultimately women are JUST like men but they listen more closely to their feelings. Instead of worrying about what a woman THINKS you should be paying attention to how she FEELS. If you can make a woman FEEL something then you’re already heading in a direction that most men aren’t.
The next step is to help her FEEL good things and to associate those feelings with you.
The problem is that when you’re spending your time trying hard to woo a woman, buying her gifts, or generally exposing how desperate you are for her attention, you’re having very little effect on her emotional body.
If she feels nothing then you’re just another dude trying to impress her. And if she’s particularly attractive she’ll have developed a life-long system of avoiding dudes exactly like you.
Attraction isn’t a choice. (I learned that phrase from dating Guru, David DeAngelo) Women don’t CHOOSE to feel the way they do. This concept is often misunderstood, especially by very smart guys, so pay close attention.
When a woman isn’t attracted to you there is NOTHING you can do or say to her that will change that. AND if a woman IS attracted to you then there is nothing her friends or family can say or that will change that. She doesn’t CHOOSE to feel the way she feels.
This is powerful.
Women aren’t men. They don’t act and behave based on the same things we do.
The sad truth is, the more you try to use LOGIC to figure out how to "get the girl" the more you’re likely to act in a way that will scare her away.
Women may appear illogical, complicated, and impossibly chaotic, but I’m here to tell you that there IS reason behind the madness. Women ARE logical, it’s just that they have different fears and expectations than we do. We guys think that women are like us – if they see someone who’s physically beautiful we assume that they’ll automatically be attracted to them like we are. This really isn’t the case. Perhaps this is why there is so much porn for men, but very little for women. Men are so completely visual that it’s hard for us to understand what really attracts women.
A woman falls for a man’s personality and eventually loves his appearance, while a man falls for a woman’s appearance and eventually loves her personality.
Let’s wrap this up.
I love MINDSETS, which are basically a type of belief system, so here are some that you should consider when trying to attract a woman:
OLD MINDSET: It’s very important that you don’t do anything to make her dislike you. If you say something stupid, or if you say something wrong, she’ll automatically become disinterested in you.
NEW MINDSET: Women don’t need to like you to be attracted to you. It doesn’t matter what she thinks about you, only how she feels about you. Her feelings have such an influential force over her decision making that it almost doesn’t matter what she’s thinking, only how she’s feeling. This is specific to dating. Obviously in the long term she’s going to have to like you if she’s going to stick around.
OLD MINDSET: Women only want to date rich guys. Women only want to date men with six-packs and rippling muscles.
NEW MINDSET: What women prefer and what women respond to are VERY different things. She may prefer a man who’s rich, ripped, or gifted, but she’ll date any guy that she trusts and is attracted to (rich or poor, thin or fat.) I’ll talk about what women are ATTRACTED to in another post.
OLD MINSET: Men need to convince a woman to like him. The dating process is for her to decide if he’s good enough.
NEW MINDSET: Men and women use dating as a tool to discover each other’s passions, charms, histories, and possible romantic connections. The guy needs to challenge her just as much as she needs to challenge him. Dating is like playing tennis together on the same side of the net, instead of against each other on opposite sides of the net.
OLD MINDSET: A woman will only be attracted to you if you pass her qualifications – almost like a checklist. It’s your job to discover her list, and to make sure you match it.
NEW MINDSET: Attraction isn’t a choice. Women have no choice who they’re attracted to, just like we have no choice who we’re attracted to.
OLD MINDSET: I should pay close attention to what women say they want so that I know how I should act and behave.
NEW MINDSET: I act and behave according to my own path and moral structure. Besides it’s more important to understand what women ACTUALLY respond to as opposed to what they say they want.
I hope this gets you started in a more positive direction, while letting go of the old logic you may have been tripping over until now. Remember, it’s not important for women to make sense, it only matters what they respond to. As we begin to explore what attraction REALLY is and what women RESPOND to, we’ll come to appreciate women for who they are, instead of being frustrated for who they’re not.
In my ongoing challenge to both understand the beautiful women of this world AND to help educate my fellow man I’ve started this series...
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So, what do you all think? As a woman, I think it's great advice!
Or should I say, I FEEL like it's great advice! ;)
edit | delete I'm interested to read the rest of them! Thanks for taking the time to edit and post these! I also love the "Note's from Leah". :)
by trefe_something at 10/06/11 10:41PM x I'm enjoying reading these! by daddysgirl at 10/09/11 10:41PM x
Talk about awkward! (Love you, Dad.) ;)
Honestly though, I feel like some of it could even help married men understand women better. I mean, if it could help a woman understand herself better, than I'm sure it could help a man. Just saying...
So I was praying this morning, and I was struggling a bit. All this stuff I've been editing and reproducing on my blog really is not that important.
It really and truly isn't.
The most single most important Person or Topic is God.
And I just couldn't stop marvelling at Him this morning.
And then, as if my meditations weren't enough (of course they weren't!) there was THE most amazing sunrise this morning. It started out all red and fiery and then gradually got golden and blue and green and cloudy and glowy and gray in all different portions of the enormous sky. And I can't help but think that the sun is a symbol (if not a dim one) of God's light. We are in such darkness without Him.
Yet, He is FAITHFUL and THERE for us, EVERY SINGLE DAY, even though sometimes our dark stormy clouds of sins and stubborness make Him more difficult to see while on this earth.
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There's a portion in the series where Robby talks about masculine and feminine energies, and about how every man and woman has a mixture of both energies. I found that portion especially fascinating, because he states that the most expressive form of masculinity is DYING. The most expressive form of feminine energy? GIVING LIFE. And I couldn't help but marvel at God yet again because God does BOTH for measly little us.
Just as men and women are somewhat incomplete without each other, both are INCOMPLETE without GOD. Of course, Robby unfortunately doesn't have this insight. But we do. And thank God!
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Part 6: Her fear of social judgment
Besides the obvious physical dangers that women face there is another, very misunderstood fear, that you should consider; the fear of social judgment, rejection or embarrassment.
This is no joke.
I think you (yes you specifically) lack an appreciation for a woman’s fear of social judgment just like she has a lack of appreciation for the sensitivity of your visual nature.
Fears are based upon a deep animal instinct grown from millennia of genetic pruning and fine tuning.
(Note from Leah: eh…or God gave them to us for our own protection. But, you know that…)
Women instinctively fear the loss of Social Status.
(A Long Note from Leah: This is important. Women highly value their relationships with other women. Just think of how excited and high-pitched their voices get when they run into their friends. Think of how often you see a guy out alone as compared with a girl out alone. Notice: You see WAY more guys out alone than you see girls out alone. That’s because in general, women prefer to be out with other people.
Also realize this: a girl might like you, but if she knows her sister or best friend is pretty interested in you, she might avoid you like the plague. Most high quality girls care enough about their friends not to jump into things with a guy if they know it will compromise a friendship. VERY high quality girls will not jump into things if they truly care about other women in general. If she knows someone likes you, and she doesn’t seem to care who she hurts? She may not be that high quality. Don’t say I didn’t warn you…
This doesn’t mean you’ll never get to be with said girl. This just means that you need to catch her alone, or without her sister or best friend. It also means that you’ll need to give her time to figure out if she likes you enough to "have the talk" with her sister or best friend, which means YOU will have needed to make it obvious that you are interested in HER and NOT her sister or best friend, and that you will give her sister or best friend whatever space or grieving time they may need. Sound melodramatic or like a lot of work? It is. But if you like the girl enough, you’ll do it, I’m sure. Ha. I may or may not be thinking of specific situations, here. Oh dear…)
So what exactly do they fear?
Back in the caveman days social status was EVERYTHING. If you became an outcast you were dead. It was that simple. Even today we have this DEEP fear – both men and women.
But women are different then men. Where we men tend to grow up with a disconnect to our feelings we’re able to ignore some of the social judgments that women aren’t.
Each judgment is meant to lower her perceived social value. Yet we men don’t have these same judgments, and so we tend to suffer far less inner scrutiny for our social behaviors.
For some reason we judge women differently, and they know it.
Take time to understand a woman’s fear of social judgment and you will learn ways to make your interactions with her fun, exciting, memorable, and attractive.
Otherwise you risk stomping all over her feelings without realizing it. That’s a poor way to pick up chicks, dude.
It’s all about calibration
I went through high school misunderstanding what social calibration meant, which is why I was mostly single.
Don’t walk in my footsteps. Seriously. No seriously. Or I’ll kill you.
Calibration means knowing what is appropriate in certain situations, and what isn’t. We have names for guys with no social calibration: creepy, geeky, nerdy, and awkward.
He's not calibrated.
Watch other guys
The best way to learn calibration is to watch other guys who are GREAT with women, and who are GREAT with everyone! A man who can hold a group of people captive through his words can be a great mentor. Find one and pay attention. Learn. Copy. Mimic. What ever it takes.
Watch their moves and body language.
Practice
Notice how jocks in high school do well with women? It’s not just because they’re fit. It’s also because they spend their youth interacting with hundreds of people through events and parties.
Each time you interact with someone it’s like doing a rep at the gym. Guys with a huge bench press are guys who do a lot of bench press at the gym.
Talking to people are your reps. The world is your gym.
So hit the streets and talk to people, every day, all day. Not just the hot chicks…
(Note from Leah: You can learn a lot from the women to whom you are not attracted! I always appreciate guys who talk to awkward or less-than-gorgeous women. My dad was one of those men who paid attention to the women that normally got overlooked, and I absolutely adore him! Just make sure you make it clear you’re not interested. You can do this tactfully by talking up a guy you know might be interested in her or just by letting her know that you just want to be friends. Depending on who she is, she still may not get it, and fall all over you because she’s not used to getting attention (I may or may not have fallen into this category before. *cough*), but other girls will deeply appreciate your kindness to her. )
…or the waitress you really like. Talk to every person you meet through out your day. This way you will slowly learn calibration and social skills.
Learn from the experts.
Read books. And LEARN social calibration. This is so easy, and so assessable, that I’m amazed more men don’t do this. Instead most men end up being awkward, ignorant, and lonely.
Get out of your comfort zone and do some learning.
~ Robby
edit | delete Robert seems perfectly happy. I wouldn't worry about him. I can see how Friday might be a tough day to get off...especially in banking on the biggest shopping day of the year. by theaunt at 10/13/11 3:31PM x Saw your note on Sara's blog that you "might" make it for Thanksgiving? Do hope so -- you know Ben, Jenn, and Will are planning to be here! And you need to send me your new address -- TeaAndBook@aol.com by themother at 10/13/11 10:56PM x Loved your description of the sunrise! by themother at 10/13/11 10:56PM x
So, my roommate Charlotte may or may not be a huge fan of Twilight. *Ahem* Judge not that you not be judged, as I always like to say. Or something...
Anyway, she recently loaned me a copy of "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella (Twilight Saga)"
I wanted to read it, because...well, what can I say? I happen to love the Twilight series; as gooey, stereo-typical, poorly written, and mainstream as it may be. Call it a guilty pleasure. Call it an escape from reality. Call it a way to connect with star-struck teenagers with very little taste.
Call it what you will. I am owning my stupid fandom. Team Jacob all the way, etc. (You know you love my t-shirt...)
Anyway, this little novella was fascinating to me.
(I may or may not be easily fascinated. Shut up. You're just jealous at how easily amused I am...)
Why was this little book fascinating to me? Well, as I was reading it, I noticed a lot of Mormon vocabulary sprinkled throughout the book. The evil vampires being referred to as "gods," and other little hints here and there. And around pg. 86 I finally understood...the whole thing is a metaphor for the Mormon religion! The newbie vampires could be missionaries or new converts. The Cullen family represents the good, honest Mormons. And the evil vampires such as the Volturi or Victoria? They represent the higher ups in the church who attempt to manipulate and control those lower down the ladder.
Stephanie's introduction to her novella is really what did it for me. She talks about perspectives, about how they change, and about how no characters' stories or perspectives are insignificant. It really made sense to me, and I'm hoping I can somehow use it to help some of my Mormon friends for whom I have hope. I really do love my good, honest Mormons...
Megan Dvorak asked me to study with some missionaries who knocked on her door a couple of weeks ago since she heard rumor that I might know a lot about the religion. I suppose I do...
It was a really informative and good bible study, and a really frustrating and really sad study as well. We can only hope and pray that we at least inspired the young missionaries to think...
Now, onto the second-to-last post in this ridiculously LONG series...
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Part 7: Why Women Do stupid things
The unconscious mind has been labeled the "zombie within" by some scientists either as a joke, or to help imply its mindlessness. These same scientists have discovered that as much as 90% of our decisions are being handled by parts of our brains that are totally unconscious or outside of our awareness. (Note from Leah: eh...liberal estimation. how convenient to only be accountable for 10% of our actions!)
Most parts of our human functions take place unconsciously, like our heart beat and our breathing. While at the same time, if we focus, our conscious mind can interrupt this process and affect it for better or worse. But on its deepest levels our unconscious mind will take over when it concerns our overall health and well being (it’s impossible to hold your breath to death through shear will for example.)
I propose that our emotional and physical attraction to each other is driven by these same unconscious decisions. And I don’t mean just instinctually, because not bodily response is born from instincts. Many of our decisions and reactions require complicated pattern recognition but which happen far beyond our focused thoughts. Our beliefs, driven from years of domestication from our parents, peers, and mentors, affect our behaviors deeply.
Ask any pro athlete what it’s like to be in "the zone" and they’ll describe their performances as mindless, almost as if they’re out of their own bodies and simply at the will of their purpose driving them to win.
I’m going to refer to a woman’s unconscious decision making as her Inner Zombie. It’s mindless and uncontrollable, and that’s actually to our advantage.
She’s not alone; we dudes have our own zombies.
Testosterone Kills
And as a man you might often like to think that your decision making is perfectly within your rational brain, but experience should have taught you otherwise.
Why did I wet my bed when I was 13? Why did I punch that guy in the face when he insulted my ego? Why did I vomit when I saw my buddy vomit? Why do I overeat when I’m on a diet? Why did I call that girl three times when I know it’s only going to creep her out?
Unfortunately this Zombie Within makes many decisions for us and refuses to ask for our approval.
A man found himself as frustrated as I was trying to "figure out" why woman make such bad decisions.
But why?
Why do some women stay in painful and often abusive relationships?
Why do some women date jerks while the nice guys are stuck at home alone and frustrated?
Why are some great girls dating some not great guys?
When I was single and jaded I asked these types of questions all the time.
The reason I wasn’t finding an answer to my angry questions was because these questions pre-assumed that women were actually "choosing" to be attracted to the men they dated. The reality is that women DON’T control who they’re attracted to.
This is the same truth for men.
Blame her Inner Zombie.
She might be crazy, but we don't care.
Her Inner Zombie takes over when she feels things she likes or dislikes.
Does she know the guy she’s dating is a jerk?
Most likely.
Most women are not stupid.
Most women are actually amazingly intelligent. But that doesn’t mean she’s always going to make SMART choices. She may understand intellectually that her boyfriend is a jerk, but if she stays with him it’s because she FEELS that it’ll be worth it in the end. Perhaps she’s decided she can change him, or that his other positive qualities outshine his negative. But what’s really happening is that her Zombie Within is having a great influence over her decisions by driving her emotions to "stay" instead of "to leave."
There’s a pay off her logical mind isn’t noticing. Maybe she’s getting the attention she’s desperately seeking. Maybe she’s more comfortable with a man who’s domineering like her Dad was.. it’s comfortable. Maybe she’s too ashamed of the social attention a break up might bring her. Maybe her self esteem secretly convinces her that she deserves what ever punishment her boyfriend gives her.
Her logical brain is losing it’s battle against her unconscious belief system. It’s this Inner Zombie of hers that’s driving her to make this poor decision.
Attraction Triggers
If you push a woman’s Attraction Triggers you’ll awaken her Inner Zombie which will then flood her blood with pleasure filled hormones, thereby anchoring you in her mind as very pleasurable.
Women will go through amazing struggles to be with men they are attracted to, even if the man is an abusive jerk. Women will stay in terrible marriages and ignore the advice from all of their girlfriends simply because they "feel" this guy’s right for them.
.
I’ve already said this before but it bears repeating: women want men who can bring them great emotions.
If you know how to bring a woman pleasurable emotions, she’ll become addicted to you like a drug addict. You can do this by learning to communicate with her Zombie Within.
When you communicate with her emotions you’re REALLY communicating with her Inner Zombie. It’s her unconscious mind and emotional body that will trigger her to chase you. (Note from Leah: I WILL NOT chase you. At least I hope I'll never get to that point...oh dear...)
This is why I give guys the advice to NEVER waste time trying to convince a woman with their words and logic.
Telling a girl you "really like her" is nice but it won’t flip her attraction switches. You need to have impact.
Mixed Messages
One of the best ways to communicate with a woman’s unconscious mind is to tease her. That’s really what flirting is all about.
We do this to be elusive and fun. By presenting her brain with a puzzle we’re able to sink into her thoughts. She’ll end up asking herself, "Wait, does he like me or does he dislike me? He’s fun, but I can’t tell if he’s into me too. Why isn’t he into me?"
It can be very playful and fun!
Remember: women have pretty much mastered this process.
They will act super excited to talk to you again, but then won’t return your phone call for three days.
(Note from Leah: This section is absolute GENIUS, so pay attention. I love being playfully made fun of as exemplified below!)
Girls are great at sending Mixed Messages
The reality is that women LOVE attention, but only from guys they’re already attracted to. So don’t be creepy if she hasn’t yet invited you to be.
Types of Mixed Messages that are attractive when said with a wink and a smile:
• "Wow, you have the most beautiful eyes! Well… maybe just the left one."
• "You’re cute! Don’t say anything, or you might mess it up!"
• "You have the most beautiful smile! Out of ALL the smiles I’ve seen today you’re easily number 4. I’m going to call you number 4 now."
• "You’re pretty sarcastic … and some people might think you’re mean because they don’t get it, but I’m sarcastic too. That’s why we could never hang out together. We’d just end up having a blast making fun of everyone but our Karma would be devastating!"
~ Robby
edit | delete So then who are the werewolves if the vampires = Mormon? by theaunt at 10/14/11 11:19AM x I'm not sure, but I think they are Evangelical Chrisitians. Jacob (Werewolf) is constantly telling Bella, "You have choices. You don't have to choose this (vampire) life." by leahhallnoats at 10/14/11 12:01PM x To be honest, I have considered there might be something to it. Interesting though that the wolves aren't wrong just different. by theaunt at 10/14/11 1:05PM x I really don't see it except in that little volume "second life of Bree Tanner." She got brave with that one... by leahhallnoats at 10/15/11 3:43PM x But I don't want to read more.... by theaunt at 10/15/11 7:38PM x
I really wanted to make pumpkin soup this October.
You may be asking yourself, why did you want to make pumpkin soup this October, Leah?
And I would tell you, it's because I found a really amazing pumpkin soup recipe last October, and I let the month pass me by before I ever made it.
Now, sure. You could make a pumpkin soup recipe in a month other than October.
But I really wanted to have a celebratory "October" pumpkin soup, because that's how much I love October, and sampling pumpkin-flavored things in October.
I had mentioned the idea to Hayley.
Do you know what she did?
She went and found her own pumpkin soup recipe, bought the ingredients, and then invited me over to come and make it with her, because I inspired her.
So we made Pumpkin Soup with Curry last night.
It was savory.
It was delicious.
It was perfect; sitting out on her poarch in the cool air that smelled like fire, slurping our pumpkin soup and wondering why it is, exactly, that October cannot last forever...?
or be longer than 31 days, at least.
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Here's some fun thought questions for you:
how do YOU, personally, try to apply the in-the-world-but-not-of-the-world-lifestyle?
What do you do to integrate yourself in a holy way?
What do you do to seperate yourself from the world and where do you draw the lines?
Are you doing enough to shine a light on the world and to be show LOVE and GOD to the lost?
Are you doing enough to make it clear that you are a citizen of another world and that you serve something and Someone greater than Mammon?
I'm just curious, and admittedly, struggling with the balance.
Pilot asked "What is truth?"
If he had been listening all along, he would have heard Jesus say,
Thy word is truth.
Sometimes the answers come way before the questions... edit | delete
would you like to hear the song I'm currently obsessed with?
at 10/19/11 7:17AM
You would?
Oh, goody! :)
I love this song.
I feel there's definitely some spiritual metaphors in it.
edit | delete okay, so the cartoon is slightly creepy and melodramatic. but the song is great. and the ending is cute... by leahhallnoats at 10/19/11 7:22AM x Won't play on my iPad! :( by theaunt at 10/19/11 10:51AM x
nostalgia and Halloween costumes
at 10/17/11 2:20PM
You know, when you start posting every day, it kind of becomes addictive.
Suddenly, every random thought that pops into your head seems post-worthy, worthy of being typed out and shared and remembered for when you're 38, burnt out, and in need of refreshment as to who exactly you used to be as a bright and shiny 26-year-old.
(or bright, shiny, and zitty, as the case may be. oh dear...)
(Lately I'm really hooked on the phrase "oh dear." It sounds kind of southern. Kind of tired. Kind of cute in a really weird way. You know? You do, don't you?)
I love reading my blogs from when I was a bright and shiny 20 year old. I love everything I've learned since then, and I love what I can remember from my younger, more optimistic (more naive?) self.
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She was a good girl.
And she made it through just fine.
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anyway, our gospel meeting with Monte Hampton of Somewhere-in-North-Carolina has been so good so far, and we've only had a day of it. Quite simply, we read Scripture and marvel at God. A.k.a. best thing to do EVER!
You have till Wednesday. Make the drive. Do it!
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I have two (three, if you count work) Halloween parties to attend.
I LOVE HALLOWEEN.
I love October.
I love hay rides, feeling absolutely terrified, full and huge yellow harvest moons, jack-o-lanterns, candy apples, dressing up, scaring little kids, comforting scared little kids, flirting with cute guys at Halloween parties, having cute guys flirt with you at Halloween parties, creepy/comforting Halloween music and sounds (reminds me of all those years trick-or-treating on the Dolan's street, the haunted houses, the special treat bags they used to make up just for us. I miss Tom and Judy so much sometimes!), and you know, just everything about it.
Fall harvest festival.
The last year we all went trick-or-treating together.
We were ages 11-15 (I was 13.)
It was freezing cold outside.
We went as all the characters of the Wizard of Oz.
I was the witch.
Tara was the Cowardly Lion.
Colby was the Tin Man.
Jeremy was the Scarecrow, maybe?
Sarah was Dorothy, with that red hair.
I don't remember what Ashlee or Sarah D. or Emily went as.
I don't think Lauren or Shannon went...
Does anyone have pictures?
It was seriously so cold, we swore we were going to go as Eskimos the next year.
There was a wicked awesome sunset.
I didn't want the night to end...
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Wow. Memory Lane. How did that happen?
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Let's look at the Florida years:
2005 - Snow white. With my Jersey girls. awesome.
2006 - Vampiress. Old banquet dress. Red black lipstick. Lots of blood.
2007 - I was going to be a mime, but it ended up being more of a white faced, long-purple-wig-with-bangs freak. But, oh...it was fun.
2008 - Ladybug. Fun year!
2009 - Honey Bee. :)
2010 - Butterfly :)
2011 - ?
I'm thinking either a simple costume as a Black Widow to continue with my insect theme, or be a cowgirl and have an excuse to wear my adorable cowgirl hat that I got last spring. It's seriously so cute and I don't get to wear it enough.
I found my black red lipstick from 2006 when we were moving this last time, and I kind of really want to wear it again. Even if I'm a cowgirl.
I could be like a Goth Cowgirl or something.
Hey, it's Halloween. I can be what I want to be right?
That’s another thing I love about Halloween. The chance to explore a different aspect of yourself. To be someone else. Just for a night.
As Switchfoot would say, "This is your life. Are you who you want to be?"
I'm working on it.
As always...
edit | delete And today is all you'll ever have.
Good stuff. :) by rundrummerrun at 10/18/11 4:33PM x I SOOOO miss Halloween! You girls were great help for "my" parties. (It was more of a group effort, after all!)
You could be a Christmas tree. I love that costume, personally. A cowgirl is good, too. Sorry, I can't go for the spider. (I'm shivering just thinking of it.) Dressing up is so much fun! Hope you have a great time at your parties. (But not too much flirting, eh?) by praguer at 10/18/11 5:13PM x
a Saturday post?
at 10/15/11 4:04PM
I never post on Saturdays! Except today...
I went to my first Turbo kickboxing class @ 9am this morning.
There were four of us. All women. Varying fitness levels. Huge beautiful studio painted with warm earth tones surrounded by mirrors.
Had a very Spanish/Salsa-y feel to it.
The workout?
Oh baby.
Oh baby baby baby baby baby!
I love to dance.
In case you didn't know...
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This is the last section! and my most favorite. wee!
Read up.
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Part 8: I said in my haste, all WOMEN are liars…
Do women have double standards? Do they test us with lies? Hopefully I can resolve some of their most confusing behaviors..
I Feel So Confused…
Sometimes women seem to contradict themselves… almost like they’re lying:
She says, "I really like you… it’s just that I’m not really ready for a relationship right now" and then she immediately starts dating that blond hunk at the sports bar.
· She falls crying into your friendly arms to complain about her cheating boyfriend but then ends up going back to him the next weekend.
· Things are going well in the relationship, you’re giving her everything she wants, but for some reason it seems to only make her more upset and angry. She get’s upset when you say, "I don’t care where we eat, you decide."
Women are a fun conundrum of complexity and emotions. We love to hate them and we hate to love them. To wrap up this mini-series on women I’m concluding with some of the strangest parts of their behaviors and mindsets…
Why is she crazy?_Reasons She’s Not a Walking Contradiction_The Mysteries Of The Feminine
Read anything by David Deida and you’ll quickly learn powerful insights about the masculine and the feminine.
All men and women can express masculine energy and feminine energy. But overall most women naturally express feminine energy and most guys express masculine energy.
The feminine energy is about passion, creativity, dramatic expression, nurturing and loving. This energy wants to be filled up with never-ending emotions and feelings of love. Most feminine people seek long conversations because they enjoy the ever flowing process of talking and sharing.
The masculine energy is about making order out of chaos, puzzle solving, bringing things to conclusion. This energy is about emptying out, feeling void and quiet. We masculine people want silence and peace and so we hurry to finish the conversation.
The ultimate feminine expression is giving life (being a mother for example.) The ultimate masculine expression is death (violent sports help illustrate this.)
Masculine Vs. Feminine Scale
These two energies are like the opposites on a magnet – north and south. And the more opposite your energy is to hers, the more attracted you’ll both naturally feel. But because we express ourselves so differently (the masculine and the feminine) we often find ourselves very confused with the opposite energy (or opposite sex.)
While we guys want to sit quietly and watch a sport’s show she might want to sing and dance and interact.
We guys often want silence while she wants to talk.
It’s simply two different energies.
If she’s very feminine then she’s very much like the weather. Ever changing and hard to predict.
She’s influenced by all the hot and cold fronts all around her.
The more feminine she is, the more she’s influenced by the things around her and by others in her life. Why? Because the feminine enjoys this constant flux and flow of emotions.
While the masculine prefers structure and order
._Here’s how it applies…
When you say "Do you want to join me for dinner Thursday night?" she’s might actually hear "Do you feel like joining me for dinner Thursday night?" And perhaps in that very moment she’s feeling happy and content and really DOES feel like joining you for dinner on Thursday night. But come Thursday she may no longer feel like joining you. So when she cancels and says "No I don’t feel like joining you tonight" she’s being honest because she really doesn’t feel like it – in that moment.
She was being honest when she first said, "yes" but she was also being honest on Thursday when she says, "no thanks." Does this make her a liar? No. This just makes her a slave to her emotions.
I know some guys like this too, so I’m not actually pointing fingers at all women, I’m just hoping to provide some insight into scenarios like this.
There can be any number of reasons someone flakes out on us. Something that is especially true with women you’ve just started to date, or have just met, is that they really don’t know you yet.
It takes many, many years to learn about someone, and so if she’s canceling out on a date it’s not because she’s rejecting you.
She doesn’t even know you.
It’s because of her own reasons.
These are reasons you’re going to have to accept as being unknowable.
Should you get upset about this?
No.
Do you get upset when the weather is sunny on one day and then rainy on the next day?
Of course not, because the weather is uncontrollable and is made up of so many variables that it’s almost impossible to predict.
This is the same as the emotional well being of a feminine woman in any given moment.
And if she’s making decisions based upon how she feels then you’re almost at the mercy of her emotional state.
Learn to improve her emotional state and you’ll learn how to help her to ALWAYS say "YES!" to your requests.
Don’t take her "no thanks" as a final answer until you’ve made an effort to first improve her emotional state.
Make her laugh, make her smile, and try again.
Persistence is a part of being a man who get’s what he wants._
She Tests You To Trust You
It’s called a test for a reason.
It’s her being moody, rude, or purposely antagonistic.
It took me years before I knew this was even happening, and once I did I had no idea how to deal with it.
Thankfully I can save you some grief…
Why does she do it?
She wants to know if your house is made of straw or stone.
She will test you simply because she doesn’t think you’re paying attention, being authentic, or bringing your true masculine self to the interaction.
Almost like a child who screams to get his mom’s attention, she will sometimes scream to find out what you’re made of.
She wants to know if you will freak out and prove to her that you’re not a man, or she wants to know if you’re stand up for yourself and that you’re a mountain that she can’t move.
If you’re insecure, easily manipulated, or you become angry and frustrated, then she knows that your house is made of straw.
And your straw house will not keep her safe in times of real trouble.
But if you are non-reactive to the hurricane that is her emotional state, then she will FEEL that your house is made of stone, and that she can trust you to keep a cool head in times of trouble.
Is your inner game weak like straw or strong like brick?
Here’s the perfect example of a guy who "doesn’t get it" and who’s house is built of straw:
Guy: "Hey ladies, my name is Steve. I just HAD to come over here to meet you!"
Lady 1: "We’re not out to get picked up tonight pal, so leave us alone!"
Guy: "Man, sorry for bothering you. I didn’t know you were such witches!"
(Note from Leah: I’ve had this happen many times. Sometimes I’m out with a friend after a really bad week and we’ll be talking about something serious when some idiot decides to hit on one or both of us. Then, as if hitting on us at such an ill-timed moment isn’t bad enough, they insult us for getting angry, calling us names that rhyme with witches. Really, guys? Really?)
In this first scenario the guy is reacting to the negative energy these two women were already feeling.
Here is the same interaction, except he’s more present and nonreactive to their mood:
Guy: "Hey guys, my name’s Steve."
Lady 1: "We’re not out to get picked up tonight pal, so leave us alone!"
Guy: "Wow, finally a woman who’s actually honest. That’s kinda powerful. Don’t feel bad. Pound it!" (puts his fist out to be bumped.)
You see, being upset with a woman simply because she’s not into you is NOT how a "real man" reacts. And women naturally desire "real men."
So when you don’t react to her bad behavior, it helps teach her that you’re an unmoving mountain that she can lean on in times of stress.
(Note from Leah: THIS SECTION IS REALLY IMPORTANT. Women LOVE these qualities in a man! Don’t underestimate their importance!)
The two easiest ways to "pass" her tests, at any stage of your relationship:
1) Be a leader. Make decisions without seeking her permission. Drive the buss. If she has an opinion she’ll let you know, but she’ll become frustrated with you if you’re ALWAYS asking her first…. "But sweet heart, where do YOU want to eat dinner tonight? What movie do YOU want to see?" Handling her with kitten gloves and constantly seeking her approval will make her grouchy very quickly. Instead you should just LEAD.
2) Escalate. If you’ve had three dates and you still haven’t created some kind of emotional connection with her, then she’s gonna move on quick. Trust me, women don’t get upset when you take things to the next level (ie: including her in other areas of your life,) they get upset when you don’t.
3) Don’t take things personally. If you react to the world like everything everyone else is doing is some type of slight towards you, then you’re just being a sissy.
You are not a unique snowflake and you are not that important. When other people are slamming you it’s because they’re mad, not because you matter.
It’s not personal.
Every bad thing people do to hurt others has nothing to do with others, and has EVERYTHING to do with themselves.
She’s Just Not That Into You
I know this is hard to believe but sometimes a woman really doesn’t want you around. The Wall helps prevent her from talking to you. Either she’s not into you (so she’s rude in a way that makes you go away) or she’s insecure and rejects you before you can reject her.
(Note from Leah: Oh dear. I've definitely done that...)
And sometimes the easiest way to get rid of a dude is to be a jerk to him.
It’s not mature, but it works.
If you’re interacting with a woman and you’re battling her mood, let her go.
Don’t hold on to your frustration, just let it go.
Maybe in 30 minutes she’ll relax and when she does she’ll realize you handled yourself with cool calm confidence. (Note from Leah: Love guys who can do this!) Besides, why chase a girl who’s not interested? It’s annoying for her, and emasculating for you. (Note from Leah: Yes, it is annoying…)_
Final Thoughts:
As crazy as women are, I feel they’re worth studying. Not only to lessen our frustrations with their decision making process, but to improve the chances of them wanting into our lives, as friends, girlfriends, and wives.
But there’s a terrible secret I’ve hidden from you until just now.
Getting the Girl is made easier by studying them, but your real success will come from understanding yourself!
Learning why you react the way you do, understanding your OWN emotions and motivations… THAT is where you can make GREAT strides with women.
Why?
Because the more balanced you become as a man, the more attractive you become naturally to everyone around you.
There’s something captivating about being around a person who’s balanced, centered, and present.
So, stop reading about women, and start learning about your fine self.
(Final note from Leah: Honestly, the single most attractive quality in a man to any woman, Christian or non, is a strong relationship with the Lord. If you know, understand, serve, and love God and understand His relationship with you, this single quality, quite literally, can cover a multitude of sins.)
edit | delete I want to hear more about the kickboxing! :) by momw at 10/16/11 11:49PM x well, it was an absolute blast! also, I am in a tremendous amount of pain... by leahhallnoats at 10/17/11 8:27AM x
My sister, brother-in-law, and myself are leaving for Georgia tonight after work !
I’m so excited! I’m going to get to see a lot of people in a whirlwind, since we’re driving back Sunday afternoon. Oh baby!
Someday, I’d love to slow down there and actually pretend that I have that Southern way of living; slow and friendly and outdoorsy. As opposed to fast, distracted, and interiorish…
Today is balloon day at work. There are shiny, colorful balloons everywhere. (It’s a fundraiser for United Way. I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!)
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My insides have been screaming this lately: I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER SCREEN!
Unfortunately, that is how I have spent an enormous chunk of my time at school, at work, and at play.
Have you ever known that you are guilty of something, but couldn’t quite find the words to express what you were guilty of? Mine has been nagging at me for a while now.
Idolatry.
The dictionary definition defines it as:
1.
the religious worship of idols.
2.
excessive or blind adoration, reverence, devotion, etc.
As Christians, we LOVE to look at those poor, pathetic Israelites who even though they had God doing amazing things in their midst, still complained and worshipped gods other than the True God.
We (or at least I) are/am just like the Israelites!
We have God doing amazing things in our midst and yet we still complain or make idols out of money, food, entertainment, romantic relationships, family relationships, our homes, and the multitude of activities that we enjoy doing (or in some cases don’t enjoy doing, just so we can have money.)
Sometimes I feel like I’m never doing enough for God.
(Probably because no matter what I do, that will always be true.)
For my entire life, I have always wanted to travel to a third world country.
I want to see if and how long I can handle it, and at what point I will likely break. I want to see what’s beyond my breaking point.
I am weird about food, and I’ve always been weird about food. Sometimes food makes me gag, even if I’m very hungry. Sometimes I don’t want to stop filling myself with food. (Perhaps because I’m feeling empty of God?)
What would I do if my only food was food I didn’t necessarily like?
Would I eat it with greater gratitude knowing that the very food I didn’t like was what the only thing sustaining me?
Would I eat less?
Eat more of what I didn’t like for the sake of not offending others and finally be satisfied?
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I want to have the strength to leave all of my physical comforts behind me forever.
God is my comfort.
And my rest will only come when I am with Him without the sin and separation of this world.
I’ve been praying for God to change me.
And I still have such a long way to go…
"Do not be idolaters, as some of them were; as it is written, "THE PEOPLE SAT DOWN TO EAT AND DRINK, AND STOOD UP TO PLAY." 1 Corinthians 10:7
(I happened to stumble upon the book "Kisses from Katie" on Amazon. Just from skimming the previews, I am humbled.)
After getting into what I hoped was a firm but loving debate with a Gay Dad in the blogging world about the importance of a child having both a father and a mother, I stumble upon this single American girl who felt called to move and raise 14 children in a poverty-stricken country without a husband or father-figure helping her out.
"You see, Jesus wrecked my life. For as long as I could remember, I had everything this world says is important. In high school, I was class president, homecoming queen, top of my class. I dated cute boys and wore cute shoes and drove a cute sports car. I had wonderful, supportive parents who would have paid for me to go to college anywhere my heart desired. But I loved Jesus…"
She was also in a serious relationship with an attractive, spiritually-minded, successful man whom she was deeply in love with.
For whatever reason, she ended it so she could go to Uganda.
I think I admire her the most; for everything she gave up…
"And it only hurts this deep because you loved so deep and that memory, that love is what you live on some days…" - Katie J. Davis
(on comforting a mother holding her dead baby)
edit | delete ARGH. Can't you stay until Monday night at 10 PM? That's when our flight gets in :( :( :(
Ah well. We'll be at Lectures in Feb, Lord wiling. Pencil us in then :) by jenn at 11/18/11 12:44PM x This is Katie's blog- http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/
I've been reading it for the past few months and it is truly humbling and inspiring. by apbooklover04 at 11/18/11 4:22PM x
I agree to a point about the world travelers. There is some good done though on some occasions. We have a young Christian single man here who chooses to spend his vacations in parts of the world where he can encourage the brethern. He was in South America early this year visiting with someone he converted online. He had Bible classes and helped her find a place to worship. Right now he is in Zimbabwe teaching and visiting as many groups as he can. He doesn't come back "preachy" but motivated himself on what he can do next. He doesn't ask for money, but when someone asked, he asked for donated Bibles that he could hand out. When he is here, he shows the same enthusiasm to help others here. I really admire him for the way he has chosen to use his resources. There are times when the men working in another country need a boost. A visit may give them something. Paul needed visitors! :) by theaunt at 11/19/11 10:46AM x Jeremiah 29:11, Proverbs 16:3, Proverbs 19:21
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God..."
I look forward to seeing what God does with your life. :) by heatheronthehill at 11/19/11 1:45PM x Leah, you can do whatever you like. I looked at it again and don't think I wll be excommunicated or anything. Ha! Glad you made it home safely! Hope to see you in December. I will be in Tampa on the 14th so I can help Robert get home. Maybe we can meet you for lunch near your office. I will try to touch base when we are closer to the time. by theaunt at 11/21/11 10:05AM x Loved seeing you here yesterday! Surely hope you make it up for Christmas. And, since Ben, Jenn and Will will be going to lectures, we may be going too!
.
She had some wisdom, she did
at 11/17/11 8:29AM
"Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your own weakness." -- Mother Teresa
edit | delete LIKE. by gemma at 11/17/11 10:48AM x
The Lord has brought me safe thus far
at 11/04/11 9:05AM
I love that line.
I love that idea of safety, that feeling of safety, that assurance of safety that we have with God.
---
I really want to hear/sing "King Most High" right now.
---
One of my new goals is to acquire a collection of congregational singings on CDs.
---
Not to be a snob, but I just don't enjoy the numerous "polished" recordings of hymn collections that are out there as much.
---
I like LIVE, unrehearsed recordings.
The kind where you hear the old man a little too close to the microphone, the kind where you can hear some flat alto, and that singular sharp, piercing Soprano who doesn't realize (or care?) that it kind of sounds like she is singing a solo...and an awkward solo at that.
---
But they are all singing with all the love and beauty they have in their hearts.
And so it's kind of beautiful.
---
Actually, it's like, REALLY beautiful.
---
I love the way God teaches me everything that He teaches me.
It is sometimes a gentle, quiet, and whispering reminder.
It is sometimes a terrifying shout.
Still other times, it is a complete and total humiliation.
---
And then, there are those times when it feels like He's gradually pulling me closer and upwards toward Him, in a way that kind of feels like being pulled through and out of water.
And I'm just aware of all the variations of light and color and pressure and cold and heat.
The variations of highs and lows.
The calms after the storms.
And all the different sounds of water.
From the rushing waves to the quiet drips of an outdoor faucet.
I love how He lures me into the wilderness.
I love how I simply cannot resist Him.
I love falling in love with Him.
Over and over and over again. edit | delete I honestly don't understand why He's so good to me. But I'm thankful for it. by leahhallnoats at 11/04/11 9:47AM x Beautiful thoughts! I think we have a CD that we made at the last Bunting reunion of some hymn singing. Next time you are around, remind me and we can get you a copy. by heatheronthehill at 11/04/11 2:06PM x If you like blaring, out of key yet enthusiastic singing, I need to record Sherman Avenue for you! Seriously, I know what you mean. I remember hearing Abilene chorus singing hymns in such a polished way that it didn't sound real. Grandaddy said he liked the homemade cards made by his grandchildren with stick figures and bad spelling even more than the polished "Hallmark" artistic creations. I'm sure God likes the blaring, often off-key singing of humble servants even more than the precise accuracy of highly trained musicians. Love your posts and love you! by gsh2 at 11/05/11 9:54AM x I often feel like we were somehow separated at birth or something. "I love falling in love with Him." I couldn't have said it better myself. For all my seeking after the Kingdom, I know that I've only touched the tip of the ice burg when it comes to absolutely thirsting for God. There's a long way to travel down the road called Devotion. by heidiw at 11/10/11 10:09PM x
statements and questions
at 10/28/11 12:33PM
-The Haunted House they had at work was completely amazing. I love haunted houses so much.
-I dressed up for Halloween today. We weren't supposed to dress up until Monday...
-I love soft, blue, plaid, button-down shirts...
-It feels like Halloween. Do you know what Halloween feels like? It feels like anticipation. It feels like youth in a bottle of witch brew. It feels like fear and excitement and endless possibilities.
Do you like feeling scared?
I do.
I don't know why...
---
Has anybody seen the video series about fearing God put together by Francis Chan?
They look interesting...
---
Does anybody read this thing anymore?
---
Doesn't anyone else have questions?
---
I feel like life is a series of questions, composing a bigger, greater question.
---
And God is the answer.
edit | delete I still read your blog. And I've watched the Francis Chan videos and read his book. Very thought-provoking. by apbooklover04 at 10/28/11 10:16PM x I read. And enjoy. by themother at 10/28/11 11:04PM x I read your posts all the time. =)
by gemma at 10/29/11 12:33PM x I read. :) by heatheronthehill at 10/29/11 3:56PM x I absolutely HATE feeling scared. Infact, I am sleeping alone in this huge house tonight... definitely scary enough for me.
by emmali at 10/30/11 9:59PM x thanks, everyone. :) that is hilarious/fascinating. and Emily, I had no idea you still got on here! by leahhallnoats at 11/02/11 12:06PM x I do read your blog...though, not as faithfully as I should!
And PLEASE, have no qualms about leaving long comments. I love your long comments. They're always helpful, insightful, and wonderful. :) I love you, and I'm still hoping for some sort of catching up with you at some point! Hope you have a great day! by heidiw at 11/03/11 4:44PM x I am sad too! :( by theaunt at 11/03/11 10:48PM x
color and cold and heat
at 10/26/11 1:15PM
Get this Ringtone
The Get Up Kids - Campfire Kansas mp3edit | delete
I feel kind of embarassed sharing this, but that's never stopped me before, now has it?
I just used the Ladies' room here at work.
Wait, let me clarify...
I just used the Ladies' room here at work while our MALE JANITOR was inside the stall on the opposite end of the bathroom (and our bathroom is NOT that long.)
I'm not even sure if he knew I was in there. But what if he did?
OH BOY!
Ha. Literally...
praying for humility
at 12/19/11 12:16PM
Sometimes, when you pray for humility, you get a humiliating answer that shows you exactly where you are in relation to where God is, and you just want to bow your head in shame and say sorry to everyone you've disappointed ever.
Other times, God blesses you SO richly, you look up at Him and think, "I really, really, TRULY don't deserve all this goodness. What can I do but praise You?"
Personally, I like the latter response much better. In the first response, I feel like we're usually a little oblivous and ungrateful towards God.
God, make us AWARE.
"My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's NOTHING that my God can't do!"
Not sure if I'm even making sense...all I know is God is far more good to us than we could EVER deserve.
Amen?
edit | delete Amen. by anna6689 at 12/19/11 3:53PM x
This post might not make any sense
at 12/09/11 9:51AM
- I love how you can never really tell if I'm going to be serious, sarcastic, or gooey emotional within my blog posts based on my titles. I feel like you usually get a good dose of all three...
-I am completely obsessed with guacomole. It is almost as bad as my obsession with Mormons...
-I love weird little kids. The weirder, the better...
-My birthday was really good. Occasionally, I feel like hiding from the world. Yesterday was one of those days.
It's usually not a good thing when you want to hide from the world on your birthday...
Last night I was slumped over on the couch with wet hair and an over-sized hoodie and boy shorts trying to make a decision about something...about anything.
I often, though not always, hate making decisions.
Beth looked at me and said "It's your birthday. We should do something." and then proceeded to text a bunch of people. We went to Felicidades, as I like to call it, and had sandwiches and Chai Lattes and played Taboo.
There were like 8 of us and we had an entire corner to ourselves.
I love having an entire corner.
I love my friends.
I love that there was one guy in the entire group.
I loved that one time when we walked into Five Guys and there were five guys and I looked at them and laughed and said "haha, well hey there, Five Guys!" No one got it. And I said "Get it? Five guys...there's five of you and we're in Five Guys?" Still, they didn't get it. or thought it was funny, at least. I couldn't stop giggling. Awkward.
-I miss the Buntings, of the Ben and Hannah variety.
-I love decisive people. But they have to be diplomatic. It is annoying when people are too decisive to the point of being controlling, and it is simultaneously annoying when people are too indecisive to the point of being people pleasing. Half decisive, half diplomatic. Win win.
-I've been having difficulty forming coherent sentences in casual conversations lately. This needs to be remedied.
-Sometimes things that sound fruity and out there and new agey actually make practical sense. No, but seriously...
-The barista at Felicidades was in a shoulder harness like the kind I've worn seven times and recognized instantly. I loved talking to him about his shoulder dislocation! He did it three times during the course of a race of some kind yesterday, and blacked out the last time. I absolutely loved empathizing with him. People who dislocate joints are so hard core and I love them.
-I have a crush on my new haircut. and I think I made a new friend with my hairstylist, Brooke. She was awesome.
-I love my non-Christian friends from high school and work and USF so much. They make me cry. A lot.
-A lot of things make me cry. A lot.
-Writing this post made me cry. A little.
-I love Taylor Swift's new music video for "Ours." I love her disheveled hair that looks so much like mine does so much of the time.
I remember when I was going through a hard time at my old job at Northgate Lincoln Mercury and my boss called me up into her office and told me that my appearance was looking too "disheveled" as of late, and to try to remedy that situation.
I remember driving home for lunch (which was kind of far back then) and bursting into tears when I walked into my apartment. Charity hugged me and made me a corn dog and steamed veggies and then sent me back on my way. I miss Charity.
-I love that it's completely acceptable for me to be a little dishelved at my current job since I don't have face-to-face interactions with customers.
-I miss face-to-face interaction with customers.
-I have absolutely no idea how to end this work phone conversation that I am currently involved in. This guy keeps going on and on and on and on and on and on. and it's making me giggly. which is bad, because I need to communicate with him...
-I miss poetry classes and night classes at USF.
-I miss Sarah Degrado.
-I miss a lot of people.
-Life is so good and the Lord is so merciful.
At least some things make sense...
edit | delete Ah, Leah! I love your posts -- even the randomness of them. And I'm glad you had a happy birthday. by themother at 12/09/11 9:53PM x I love guacamole, too, though I couldn't quite call it an obsession. :) Glad you had a good b'day! by praguer at 12/12/11 11:56AM x
your Friday afternoon detail of the day
at 12/02/11 1:33PM
My boss definitely just sent out an email that used the expression, and I quote "off the chain" within its content.
I feel like life pretty much can't get any better today... edit | delete Enjoyed catching up with the last three months of your blog. :) Glad things are going well. by jlmanager at 12/03/11 1:04PM x Could we do lunch or something? by theaunt at 12/06/11 5:19PM x Maybe dinner next Thursday then? by theaunt at 12/07/11 10:30AM x Happy Birthday, Leah! Hope this next year is a wonderful one for you! by themother at 12/08/11 9:34PM x happy Birthday! Hope to see you soon! by theaunt at 12/08/11 10:05PM x John David, I feel deeply humbled that you would take the time to read three months worth of my blogs! Hope it wasn't a total waste of time, haha...:) by leahhallnoats at 12/09/11 8:38AM x It wasn't - you write (and borrow) good stuff. Hope you had a happy birthday yesterday! by jlmanager at 12/09/11 9:15AM x
a hope for better, in November
at 12/01/11 9:35AM
I love songs that have months in them.
Examples:
"and it's early June and the sand's still dry and you have got the boldest eyes and I'm still waiting..."
"September never stays this cold where I come from and you know, I'm not one for complaining..."
"A hope for better, in November."
"It's been a long December and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last."
Name those bands and songs. You know you want to...
---
So, I did that thing where I wrote down something I was thankful for every day in November.
Here it is:
1. For my mom. It is so encouraging to talk to her and to hear all the things that she has learned and is still figuring out. She is so humble, has grown so much in the Lord, and loves to hear from me, even if she does most of the talking, and that makes me feel good.
2. For my dad. He has been sending me DVDs of home movies from when we are growing up and I absolutely love them, especially the music he picked out to go along with them. I cannot see old photographs combined with emotive music and not shed a tear or two. I really miss my parents.
3. For my sister, Rebecca. Watching the old home movies as an adult helps me understand our sisterly relationship much better. She is genuine and genuinely funny. I always (and still do, in some ways) wanted to be just like her.
4. For my Nanee. Who loves unconditionally and selflessly, even the most difficult of people. She is extremely giving and she is a survivor.
5. For the men at church. I love my brothers and elders at Valrico. I love Mr. Pickup. I love Aaron Bolton. I love Dustin Goolsby. I love Mr. Roberts. I love seeing the way Mr. Lowe talks to his daughters. I love hearing their prayers, lessons, and male perspectives.
6. For the women at church. Patti Martin. Megan Jackson. Martha Sutherland. Lindsey Goolsby. Hannah Bunting. Caitlyn Gentry. Who empathize with me and love me.
7. For my quirky friends. For the dinners and the awkward get togethers and how they cry with me and pray for me. I love them so much and am so thankful for them.
8. For Katie Kelley. Because she empathizes with me in my struggles and yet remains positive in spite of those struggles. Because her bravery with people absolutely amazes me.
9. For Darby Wells. Who is completely truthful with me about marriage, and yet still makes me want to get married! (Maybe marriage isn’t such a bad thing, after all...)
10. For the Sutherlands quiet strength and loving presence.
11. For my job. That people make every effort to keep it fun and bearable. For all my co-workers who are nice to me.
12. For Charlotte, because she is an example of a very hard-working person. Also, she's hilarious.
13. For Beth, because she always says "Love you!" when I’m walking out the door and because she is as obsessed with Volleyball as I am and actually wants to get people together to play.
14. For generously provided food @ our work party.
15. For drinks and hydration. The water and ice here at work.
16. For coffee and deliciously flavored coffee creamer and the way it makes me feel connected to my Dad.
17. For Wendy’s Chili and Cesear Side Salad. Delicious and filling, and $2.87
18. For balloon day! Soooo pretty and young and fun!
19. For late night drives with my sister. For her sense of humor, her Ipad, and for gas station coffee and the crowds of people in the gas station. For Neenee wanting to talk late into the night. For Granddaddy’s gentle guidance.
20. For bacon and eggs and coffee with Neenee and Granddaddy. For getting to hang out with Clint’s cool, quiet boss, David. For the love of Clint and Bri. For Aunt Lori’s enthusiasm. For the cheese, crackers, meatballs, and sandwiches. For punch. For squirrels, and jokes that I make that someone actually finds funny. For how much Granddaddy wants to pray WITH us when we’re there, and FOR us when we’re not there.
21. For the bagel and butter and creamer from Barbara when I run out of the condo without breakfast.
22. For time with friends last night!
23. For my friends in the blogging world, that I have never met, but that crack me up and make me feel less alone when I'm at work. And for $5 footlong chicken parmesan subs.
24. Flexible, laid back, thankful friends. Spending time with them.
25. A night at home relaxing
26. Volleyball with friends!
27. For the hospitality of the people at Temple Terrace Church of Christ and for the chili dinner, singing, and prayers
28. For being asked to be a Christmas card photographer…:)
29. For my Aunt Holly
30. For Megan Jackson @ Valrico
---
I turn 27 in one week. Regardless of how you feel about that, I feel really young.
...almost too young...
---
A lot of famous people die at the age of 27.
I'm not famous.
This is good.
---
I am, however, blessed.
And this is also good.
---
And God is SO good.
"God is so good.
God is so good.
God is so good, He's so good to me."
(and to YOU. and to your brother. and to your brother's ex-wife's cousin)
edit | delete And I am thankful that I have a niece who keeps us posted by blogging on Pleonast! :)
I have no clue about the songs. I am so generationally (it was really a word because it spell checked it) challenged.
Perhaps I could come up with some oldies that have months...
Saturday in the park, I think it was the fourth of July....
September morn...I can't remember the rest of the words...ha
Try to remember a time in September when Life was slow and oh so mellow.
I won't bore you any further! by theaunt at 12/01/11 6:11PM x no, no it's cute! Thanks for playing along! :) by leahhallnoats at 12/02/11 9:07AM x So here we are, waiting for June, and you and I are humming different tunes...
Now let's take it back to January, an overflowing heart, an empty wallet...
For mailing letters with the address of the sender; Now we can swim any day in November... by rundrummerrun at 12/02/11 11:58PM x You are so sweet, Leah. Thank you so much! I'm thankful for you too, you are always ready to listen to me whine about my problems, or gush about whatever silly thing is making me giddy. Thank you! I love you! by trefe_something at 12/03/11 9:38AM x Stephen, the only song I recognize is the last one! I feel so musically inadequate, haha. Thanks for playing! :)
Charlotte - I love you too!
Today, it feels especially irritating.
"Hi, I'd like to talk to Debbie."
"Okay, do you know what Debbie's last name or extension is?
"haha...uh...no, I thought I was calling the branch?"
"No, I'm so sorry, this is a call center. I'm an operator for all 50 of our branches throughout the state of Florida. Do you know which branch Debbie works in..."
"Oh, I don't know...she was helping me with this...thing on my account. But it was a special circumstance, and I actually got transferred to like 12 different departments before I got her."
"And you don't know which branch she works in?"
"No..."
"...or which city she works in?"
"No..."
"Can someone else help you?"
"No, no, no I NEED Debbie."
"Debbie didn't give you a last name, a department or extension number or a city?"
"No...I actually don't live near any Suncoasts. I live in PODUNK, Florida and the only reason I still have an account with suncoast is because blah blah blah blah and my great grandmother who passed away used suncoast and blah blah blah blah blah and I'm actually a retired school teacher and blah blah blah blah. and it's just that i've been working with Debbie and I LOVE/NEED Debbie (really, you love and need her SO MUCH that you don't know anything about her)...and blah blah blah blah, but I'm sure you know what I mean, hahahahhahaha and blah blah blah blah."
(meanwhile, 20 THOUSAND calls are backing up, and I'm trying to explain that we have about 600 Debbies for this guy to choose from...)
---
Anyway...do you like my new profile picture?
Someday, I'm going to spend a month in an RV, working on a super cool fundraising photography project for some important cause, and it's pretty much going to look exactly like the RV in my picture as I'm driving away...
I want to visit the West Coast, see the Grand Canyon, see Jimmy Eat World, see the huge, star-filled sky that Emily raved about...
---
If this world has so much to explore, what will the next world hold?
edit | delete You are so my niece. I've always wanted a road trip with an RV. Danny thinks I am crazy! by theaunt at 01/13/12 3:20PM x
I want to be a mom!
at 01/11/12 9:26AM *
The other night I dreamt I gave birth to a baby girl. She had these huge blue eyes and she was seriously the most beautiful baby I've ever seen in my life.
I was so in love with her, even though I didn't know her that well. It was exactly the kind of love that mothers describe having for their babies. I felt so sad when I woke up, because I wanted to take her out of my dreams and keep her in my arms and in my waking life for always.
--
I frequently read over old prayers, diary and journal entries, and pleonast entries. I'm constantly trying to find old patterns and old insights about myself, as I strive to put off the old man and his ways and to put on the new man.
(Tangent: I'm going to be completely honest. As a woman, the use of the word "man" in this verse really annoys me. I can't help it. My feminitity wants recognition!)
Anyway, I found this old pleo entry, and it reminded me of my dream, and one of my deepest desires. I humbly acknowledge that it may not be in God's plan for me to be a mother, but I pray that it is His will that I become one someday. If not, I look forward to as many opportunities as possible to enjoy other people's children and to be the kind of woman they can turn to and find comfort in when their mothers are going through tough times.
Here's the old entry. It makes me feel so nostalgic and happy!
:::
This pleasantly plump woman with five kids was looking to purchase a 2006 Mercury Milan.
Or a 2006 Lincoln Zephyr.
She couldn't decide.
-------------------------------------------------------
All I know is that I fell in love with her kids.
I mean, they were cute.
Not cute in that stereo-typical, tiny, quiet, little-kid-kind-of-way.
But cute in the painfully average, lost-in-a-crowd-of-siblings kind-of-way.
(forgive my un-relenting passion for dashes, please.)
--------------------------------------------------------------
The oldest boy was probably 11 and the youngest girl I'd say, 8.
and since Lincolns and Mercurys are less popular with people under 50, kids don't come into the dealership too often.
-----------------------------
So basically, I couldn't stop smiling at them.
and they loved it.
and the oldest girl got the courage to come ask me what my name was because "my little sister was wondering."
and thus began our short-lived, but precious friendship.
--------------------------------------------------------------
The oldest boy was very protective and kept watching me with the occasional smirk.
I told them how jealous I was that they got to ride all over the dealership in our golf cart. ( I was truly envious.)
They generously shared every detail of the ride.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
They used the railing for the stairs as a jungle gym, and again I felt envious of their youth and vitality. (and there was no way I could ever manuever flips and twirls within such a small railing space.)
Finally, it got "too hot" for them outside and they piled around my desk, which happens to be in the center of the showroom.
Lisa handed out five of our complimentary "kid kits" filled with stickers and coloring books and stickers.
(I adore Lisa. She is my favorite and only female car salesman.)
--------------------------------------------------------------
They kept talking to me and asking why I had to say "one moment please" to everyone that called.
I told them that I would get fired if I wasn't polite enough to explain a wait to a customer. I also told them that I wouldn't be able to live in my apartment or have gas in my car or be able to buy fun things like movie tickets or pretty shoes (the oldest girl really liked mine) if I didn't have my job.
I added that being able to buy movie tickets and pretty shoes was one of the few perks of being a boring old adult.
--------------------------------------------------------
Well four of them would run away to who-knows-where and would come back to chat occasionally, but the youngest girl stayed with me the entire time.
and I mean, RIGHT BESIDE the entire time; behind the giant desk where she helped herself to the highlighters and ballpoint pens to perfect her coloring book masterpieces.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, the oldest girl kept leaving me messages on her cheap, gray dry-erase board that came with the kid-kit.
I tried to respond with something clever each time.
She seemed to really enjoy that.
-----------------
Too soon, they had to go.
The youngest girl quickly threw her arms around my neck (in that way that only little girls can) and ran off after her brothers, sister, and weary mom.
--------------------------
It made my day.
I don't even know where it went.
-----------------------------------
edit | delete Love this post. =) by gemma at 01/11/12 1:34PM x I remember this one! :) by theaunt at 01/11/12 6:16PM x
we had a ton of people over last night after church
at 01/09/12 9:42AM
and a ton of people used my bathroom.
At the end of the night, after everyone had left, I had to use the bathroom myself.
and I'm wondering why no one bothered to tell me that I forgot to put a fresh hand towel or paper towels in there.
Bless their hearts, and their wet hands...
edit | delete Whew! I thought you were going to say toilet paper which would have been much worse! by theaunt at 01/09/12 11:21AM x lol! by gemma at 01/10/12 5:21PM x
one of many reasons I chose Creative Writing as my major
at 01/06/12 10:53AM
pinkpurple
we haven't had much snow around here lately
but we've had the most incredible sunsets
like melted Popsicles
in the sky.
-C. Jane Kendrick edit | delete
Isn't that how it always is?
at 01/04/12 4:12PM
I can’t stop smiling at the moment
-and yet, I woke up freezing cold and angrier than a hornet on a holiday at 5am this morning…
-hmm…moody much?
-The cold air feels amazing, though. I don’t want it to go away.
But it will go away, inevitably, like so many things and people, with this being Florida and all…
The weather is so brisk and it makes me feel new, aware, and acutely alive.
*So this is the New Year. And I don’t feel any different.*
Except I do feel different.
I feel completely different. I can’t believe what the Lord has done with my life and with everyone’s lives in this past year, and I am completely humbled, amazed, and ready for more of this crazy little thing called life.
-On a side note: How much do you love using the words "acutely" and "alive" together?
Because I love them SO much. They should be in an open relationship.
Why should they be in an "open" relationship as opposed to a good old-fashioned "closed" relationship?
Well, because you see, when words date, it’s kind of like they are investing in each other.
They have no way of knowing which stock (word) is going to give them the most for their return [phrase or sentence, if you will. (And I know you will. *20 million bonus points go to you if you can remember that Wilson Phillips song*)]
If they were to be exclusive, or, if "alive" was to put all of her money into the "acutely" account, "alive" might never know just how simultaneously amazing she also went with the word "aware" and might miss out on some invaluable… "awareness," if you will.
And how sad would that be?
Besides, it keeps "alive" fresh when she keeps her options open. Words tend to take her for granted when they think they’ve got her all to themselves…
…or maybe she’s just been taking herself for granted all this time…
- I love Nicole Mongeon Pickup. (sorry, but I can’t not use her maiden name when referring to her. Not just because of Nathan and Taylor’s sister also being named Nicole, but because "Nicole" and "Mongeon" when referring specifically to "Nicole Mongeon Pickup," the person, will always go together like cookies and cream. )
Fun fact: we’ve been friends since we were 18. It’s been like, 9 years, folks. And I still stinking adore her.
-I was pulling onto a very traffic-jammed 56th street this morning, and the cutest Santa Clause-looking man left me plenty of space to pull into the line of cars. He looked JUST like Santa; round face, beard, mustache, sweet smile. All was the same, except his facial hair was light brown. And he was driving a pickup truck, of course.
I will always have a soft spot for guys of all ages with beards, pickup trucks, plaid button up shirts, etc…
And not just because of my brown-haired Santa this morning…
-Nicole and I went to Felicidades, Felicitous? last night to catch up.
We talked for almost three hours. It was the first time I had been there without my shoulder harness buddy working by himself.
But do you know who WAS working there?
Crazy philosophical beard guy!
(He was NOT working and asking everyone in the coffee shop about God last time we were there. I invited him to come to church, and his energy closed off like the Tappan Zee Bridge in a hurricane.)
I hate when people close their energy off!
I close my energy off sometimes.
They say the qualities you most dislike in others are the qualities you most dislike in yourself.
"They" are pretty smart, aren’t they?
And yes, I’m talking about "energy" like I’m some kind of new age fruit cake.
If I find truth in something, I’m going to adopt it, okay? You should too. Even if it sounds fruity…maybe even ESPECIALLY if it sounds fruity…
And let’s be honest.
So many things SOUND fruity, but actually make sense, as much as we may not want to admit it…
Do you know who also was there?
Christian-turned-Atheist 220 IQ guy!
He was also there last time, and Crazy Philosophical Beard Guy was asking him 20,000 questions last time about why he left the faith when he knew so much, and Crazy Philosophical Beard Guy was having doubts himself and thought Christian-turned-Atheist 220 IQ guy might have some answers for him.
(Why? I don’t know. Was it the 220 IQ?)
Now, you may be wondering how it is exactly that I know that Christian-turned-Atheist 220 IQ guy has an IQ of 220.
And I will tell you why, right now.
It’s because he wouldn’t shut up about it when defending his Atheist position, of course.
Because if you have an IQ of 220 and don’t believe in God, you must know what you’re talking about.
Right.
The whole thing really made me miss evangelizing.
I definitely haven’t been doing enough of that lately.
Would I be wasting my time with guys like these?
Quite possibly.
But I can’t help myself.
It’s just too invigorating to pass up.
And there’s always that whole question of "Who knows what impact this conversation might have now and in the future?"
---
Call me crazy; call me what you will, but I’m so glad the month of December is over.
*It’s been a long December and there’s reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last. I can’t remember all the times I’ve tried myself to hold on, to these moments as they pass. And it’s one more day up in the canyon. And it’s one more night in Hollywood. And it’s been so long since I’ve seen the ocean. I think I should. Nah nah nah. Na na na na na na na na na. Nah nah nah. Yeah. Yeah! Yeah!*
I don’t know why, but hearing the song "Auld Lang Sine" frequently makes me feel really sad.
We were singing it over at Alan’s house and one of the girls, I can’t remember which one, but one of the girls said it made her feel sad too.
I’m glad I’m not alone in my sentimental craziness…
Still working on thank you notes, sympathy cards…
There is SO MUCH to be thankful for and so much sympathy to be extended.
Isn’t that how it always is?
I know it’s completely strange that my profile picture is not of any children that I know in person, but of Jane and Claire Nielson, whom I have never met and probably will never meet.
Someone took these pictures of them when they were letting balloons go into the sky to commemorate and remember the life of their dog of over ten years, Jimmy.
Fun fact: Christian Nielson named his dog after HIS favorite band and MINE, Jimmy Eat World.
I just love Jane and Claire’s sad expressions of wonderment. I love the color of the sky in Jane’s picture. I love Jane’s extremely nerdy glasses. I wish the lighting was better…
So often, I wish the lighting was better, you know?
Like, here on earth…
edit | delete This post, as always, is delightfully random.
It's a good thing we'll have the Lamb-light in heaven. And we won't need pictures. by rundrummerrun at 01/05/12 12:17PM x Stephen, I'm so glad you commented on my blog, because
A. I was seriously wondering if this post was too random for the public...and maybe it still is, but I'm so glad you appreciated it! :)
and
B. I thought of you last night during the bible class on Ecclesiastes. Mike Cawthon made this amazing point that was really helpful to me, and I thought would be really helpful to you as well. I can't remember exactly what it was, but it had something to do with making God-glorifying decisions, and how you really won't know the outcome a lot of the times, but as long as you have "inquired before the Lord" about it, then you will have a Romans 8:28 situation on your hands. Of course, he put it much more succinctly, so...I'll check my notes and get back to you...:) by leahhallnoats at 01/05/12 12:42PM x
I seriously don't know how this happened
at 12/21/11 4:04PM
But I have
"I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do"
stuck in my head.
Like so bad.
edit | delete And now so do I. :P by curlie at 12/21/11 4:18PM x I only like hippopotamususses. by rundrummerrun at 12/21/11 4:51PM x hehe :) by mrsfionacharming at 12/22/11 12:21AM x Thankfully, I don't know the tune to that one! :) by praguer at 01/03/12 1:39PM x
